Monday, November 28, 2005

Time Goes By...So Slowly

WOW is it quiet at work today.

I tried surfing for some new blogs to read by clicking the "next blog" button in the upper right corner, but almost everything I landed on was in Spanish, French, Portuguese, Dutch or Arabic. Either that, or it was "erotic literature," or worse, one of those conservative rant blogs with a ratio of 4 spelling errors per falsehood.

Why is it that pornographers can spell but Republicans can't?

Speaking of porn and spelling, that reminds me...

My first summer out of high school, I had an internship with a repertory theater in Los Angeles that included both performing and crew responsibilities. I ran the follow-spot for The School for Wives, was a stagehand and an understudy for The Foreigner, and played Joe in Oklahoma (the one who buys Curly's gun in the auction).

Among the many valuable lessons I learned that summer, the one that always comes to mind first is not to spoof lines of the dialogue by changing a word or two to make it dirty. At the top of the second act, right before the bidding begins on the hampers, one farmer (or maybe it's a cowman, I can't recall) says, "I'm so hungry, I could eat a fencepost!"

The actor used to go around backstage saying, "I'm so horny I could fuck a fencepost!"

Well, one night we were out onstage and had just finished "The Farmer and the Cowman" (one man likes to ride a plow, the other likes to fuck a cow, but that's no reason why they can't be friends!) and sure enough, my fellow castmate says, "I'm so horny I could f--, uh, eat a fencepost!"

I feel that way right now.


Stephanie said...

Damn, you have my sympathy. Even my calc class isn't that bad on a Monday...

little-cicero said...

I did Midsummer Night's Dream last year as one of the mechanicals, and didn't have to alter any of Shakespeare's words to make them dirty!
Good Times!

bohica said...

I did the exact same thing!! I did Little Shop of Horrors and was in drag singing to the lead, and changed the song to a dirty one filled with curse words, all because I had been spoofing the lines backstage. I got kicked out of the drama program for it. Nice to know it did not only happen to me.