Thursday, August 23, 2007

Scenes from a Temp Job

The senior admin and I were straightening up the reception area that I am happily surrendering next week, going through the drawer and chucking dead pens. “What the heck is this?” she asked, holding up a small device made of clear plastic, about five inches long.

“It’s a clam clip dispenser,” I said, turning it over and reading the label that said “clam clip dispenser.”

“Well, I guess we’d better hold onto that, in case I need my clam clipped.”

(*awkward silence*)

• * * * *

I was in a stall in the men’s room, erm, minding my own business, when a guy came in and said, “Hey, how goes it today?”

Surprised, embarrassed and unsure how to address this question I just said, “Oh…fine?”

When I came out, he said, “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

I nodded and said, sadly, “Yes. Me, too.”

• * * *

A suited-up guy (I’m going to guess…salesman!) walked in this morning and said, “Hi, I’m here for my appointment with Mr. ______________.”

“Oh, he’s in Suite _________, around the front of the building,” I said.

The man looked slightly deflated, and I swear, some of his highlights faded almost imperceptibly as he asked, “Is it far?”

“About 100 yards,” I shrugged. Then he went and got in his car and drove to the other side of the parking lot.

• * * * * *

Rocky and Starbuck have been pestering me to start their own blog for them, but I’m not sure I really have time. Their concept would be a political column, Rocky voicing a populist, mainstream view while Starbuck holds down an ultra-leftist anti-corporate, feminist, unite-the-workers activist pose, with a barely suppressed politicrush on Kucinich. They want to call it Liberal Pussies.

• * * * *

A woman at the office was recommending the national tour of Spamalot, which is presently in town. “It’s hilarious!” she declared. “They spoof the gays, the Christians, everybody!”

• * * * *

To: You
From: Andy
Subject: Greetings from the Other Side

Hi there,

Sorry for the mass email, and sorry that I have not been in touch for so long. I’ve just been so busy! But I wanted to take an opportunity to let you know that I died.

Best,
Andy

Seriously…I was reading The New York Times and at the bottom of an article was an advertisement for a service that sends out an email to notify people of your death.

9 comments:

Jess said...

“About 100 yards,” I shrugged. Then he went and got in his car and drove to the other side of the parking lot.

He drove? Geez! I thought I was pretty lazy, but that's ridiculous. I had the very same kind of detour when I went to a meeting at an unfamiliar office building this morning, but I wouldn't have moved my car to save a 100 yard walk! That's ridiculous!

Jess said...

P.S.--that you're even joking about starting a blog for the cats is a little scary! :P

:)

Gino said...

"gays,christians,everybody."

i guess that just about covers anybody,huh?

Matthew said...

Those are some really amusing vignettes. Glad to know the temp job isn't totally without humor.

Faustus, M.D. said...

I nodded and said, sadly, “Yes. Me, too.”

I love you.

And I'm glad to know you're almost done with the job.

Jeff said...

I was horrified when I first clicked on the Deathswitch link, but actually, it seems pretty cool.

And, funny anecdotes.

Jarred said...

I'm considering sending a link for deathswitch to my company's IT guys just to see how worked up they get at the idea of giving such a service my password and other such information.

Jade said...

I'm a terrible judge of distance... I take it 100 yards isn't all that far? :)

Sorry about your car troubles, but you got to see the tide pools at least. (I remember Rockaway being a good beach for tidepools too, when I was younger)

Anonymous said...

Re: Liberal Pussies ...
could Andy be the new Mrs. Slocombe?