Thursday, May 11, 2006

Now Hear This

Dear President Bush,

I understand that you've been compiling a database of phonecalls made in the United States since 9/11 in order to better protect us from terrorists.

I want to sincerely thank you for your dedication to the cause of the War on Terror. It is the rare President who is so focused on eliminating the threats to our freedom that he is willing to disregard the law at every step and repeatedly deny and lie about it in order to protect me. I am really flattered.

Now, I don't use the telephone very much. I really dislike the thing. (Just ask my mother how often I answer.) Usually I make 5-second calls to friends to say "I'm late" or "I need a drink, meet me at Therapy." Because of this, you may have difficulty compiling an accurate picture of my patriotism based on my phone bill. So let me help you.

I think you are a complete and total jackass. Recently, another blogger asked me to say three nice things about you, and I couldn't do it. About the nicest thing I could write is that I hope you really are as stupid as you appear to be, because then you might be sincere. Only someone with no brains at all (which I believe accurately describes roughly 31% of Americans) could actually believe the crap you've been telling us for the last five years.

This does not mean I am not patriotic; on the contrary, despite all your "optimistic" rhetoric about promoting democracy in the world, you are clearly a fascist theocrat. You wouldn't know a democracy if it came up and impeached you on the ass. To me, loving America is more than waving a flag and posting a "support the troops" bumper sticker on the back of the Chevrolet I don't own. It's about really believing in the vision of freedom and equality that the Founding Fathers established: freedom that gives me the right to say I think you are a shameful blight on this nation's reputation.

You know this country has reached a sad state of affairs when the oppressive radical Islamic regime in Tehran is more open to diplomacy than we are; I am appalled that Iran is in a position to give you a Sunday School lesson you sorely need. Who would Jesus use "tactical" nuclear weapons on?

The Hall of the Great Council in the Palazzo Ducale in Venice contains portraits of every Doge in the Republic's history in chronological order, except for Marin Falier, who was executed for treason. His portrait is permanently covered with a black veil. It is my hope that history will come to regard you with equal contempt.

Sincerely,
The Last Debater

PS: I am a homosexual, you probably want that for your file, too. Jerk.

14 comments:

little-cicero said...

Thanks for the plug.

Something to keep in mind about the "file" he's keeping on you is that the database is nothing more than phonenumbers. No addresses, no names. A Diane Sawyer interview revealed this- much to her amazement, this is a faceless database.

Another thing to keep in mind is that it is not patriotic to consider 33% of Americans stupid. I do not consider the Left stupid...in fact I consider them both intelligent and compassionate. I consider you highly intelligent and compassionate as well.

What you might mean is that we are deluded by our patriotism, or that it obstructs our thought to the point that we will believe anything our President tells us.

Calling your President a Fascist Theocrat would be mighty patriotic were it actually true, but being that Abraham Lincoln both mentioned God more and infringed on civil liberties more than the President, you would then have to apply the same term to Lincoln. I don't know- would that be patriotic?

Nathan said...

Well put Andy.

LC-I have to say that the NSA database is as faceless as a fingerprint or DNA database. True, phone numbers don't have noses or ears, but its disingenious to say that their totally faceless. The NSA can easily get the name of the phone number owner, although not neccessarily the user. Which reminds me, I need to call Pakistan tonight when I'm at my mother's, you know, personal business.

Kudos to my phone company, Qwest, for refusing to give my "call details" to the NSA without a proper warrant, and then sticking to its guns. As for Lincoln, he was actually fighting a war against citizens of the United States and the suspension of civil rights north and south seems far more appropriate in this context than it does today. The converse of your Lincoln argument is that GWB is also fighting a war against his own people, no?

Regardless, my President has totally blown it (unlike the previous one, who just got blown). Instead of taking the initiative to make our country the business leader in environmental technology and profit by it, he allows the deepening of our countries addiction to oil. Instead of reaching out to other countries to fight terror, he drags America's reputation through the mud just to show the terrorists how tough and independent we are (whatever happened to United we Stand, Divided we Fall). And instead of shrinking government's role in our personal lives, he invades it AGAINST THE LAW.

I'm curious just to see how far GW's ratings go down, as the low plateau (appropriately called the ass-ymptote) will probably be an indication of those who care more about his religious philosophy and radical political views than their pocketbook, freedom or fellow countrymen. Any bets?

Andy said...

LC: If the database is so safely anonymous, then isn't it a monumental waste of time? What's the point if you can't actually determine who's calling whom?

little-cicero said...

Yes, I'm sorry, it was disingenuous to imply such anonymity, but that anonymity I believe rings true in the case of cell phones, and cell phones are the preferred communications devices of terrorists.

The use of this technique, as this layman would project, is that you can't always get a warrant for a wiretap on a suspect, and since simply documenting how many calls are made between two numbers doesn't require a warrant, it allows them to see what they AREN'T recording. Obviously, if you have 987-0980 calling a 678-5694 in the mountains of Pakistan a couple of times a day, you don't want to be left completely in the dark as to who is calling who when human lives are on the line.

Andy said...

If you don't have even the minimal evidence required for the FISA court to grant a warrant, then you don't have enough reason to do it. Calling Pakistan, eh? Sounds like a case of racial profiling, LC. Remember that to this day the second worst act of terrorism to be committed inside the United States was done completely by Americans (Oklahoma City, in case you forgot).

little-cicero said...

"Calling Pakistan, eh? Sounds like a case of racial profiling," No, it sounds like common sense.

What if there is a dramatic increase in calls between suspected phone numbers on the aniversary of a major terrorist attack? Should we be concerned? Should we beef up security? Should we take the fall in the interest of avoiding privacy intrusion and have to explain to the families of the slaughtered that we did nothing for the sake of their liberty? All in all, this is a pretty pathetic excuse for a Constitutional argument on the part of the left, as it is such a minimal intrusion of privacy, but if we continue to let our guard down in this manner, we will no doubt pay dearly on that day when our guard is at its lowest, for that is the day for which bin Laden has long been waiting.

DJRainDog said...

Well-said, Andy. It's distressing that we'll never know the true extent of this president's lies and malfeasance. I can only hope that enough will be discovered and that someone out there will have the balls that he can be prosecuted and punished in a major way, hopefully in the not-too-distant future. Moving on...

Ah, little-cicero...Ever the hobgoblin of little minds. (Do some research before you respond to that.) Regardless of the disingenous "facelessness" of the files that are being accumulated, their accumulation is in flagrant violation of the law. Big Brother IS watching, and now, there is no doubt. Go read Orwell's 1984. Or see the movie. And realise that WE ARE THERE. It's not unpatriotic to consider Americans stupid, even by your own sweeping definition of patriotisim, and frankly, I think a hell of a lot more than 33% of them are stupid. Personally, I think that in calling Bush a fascist theocrat, Andy is giving him too much credit. In fact, he's an overgrown spoiled child whom the American people have been stupid enough to allow to run amok. I pray that he isn't able to do any further irreversible damage during his final two years and change in office and that God may have mercy on all our souls.

Jarred said...

Well said, Andy. Of course, after reading this, I find myself wondering how many other "lists" you just put yourself on. (Not to mention those of us who are so heartily agreeing with you.)

Travis said...

One has to wonder if President Bush would not be so uncomfortable in his "constitutional skin" had he an opposition party that could, for instance, actually remember their own party platforms vs. the Republican party platforms (Howard Dean).

And now, last evening Nancy Pelosi's office announced that Democrats would not consider impeachment if they regain control of the House.

Well, I must ask -- why elect them then? Democrats are up in the polls, by A LOT, and still lack the political will to call him out on any of this stuff (last I heard, not a single democrat has submitted legislation to end the illegal wiretapping). Dianne Feinstein supported General Hayden as the new CIA director, even knowing that he helped create this program, AND after she has questioned the programs legality.

While to me, the most troubling part of this is not that it is happening (let's face it, we all knew it was) but rather, that President Bush told us time after time, that the program was not this extensive.

The man is not only a "jerk" but he is a flat-out liar to the American people.

Is that not cause for impeachment? Not according to Nancy Pelosi.

Robert Bayn said...

As illegal as it may seem what they are doing is, it isn't. The Patriot Act that was recently renewed for 6 months, actually gives the President this authority, which was one of the reasons why i'm against the Patriot Act, this legislation is biggest piece of Anti-American crap i have ever seen, and it stinks to high heaven.

On a personal level, i don't care if they are wondering about my phone patterns, if they were to hear one of my phone calls they might hear the following phrases:


"I think Dick and Bush are dating"

"Do you think the Bush twins drink because their dad is a Nit WIt?"

"If Bush is listening now, I wonder if i can get a date, i hear he works out"

"Hold on let me grab my credit card, these phone sex lines are so expensive"

Andy said...

And now, last evening Nancy Pelosi's office announced that Democrats would not consider impeachment if they regain control of the House. Because John Dickerson in Slate told her not to.

Congressional Democrats need to remember that Congress' approval rating is even lower than the President's. Democrats can win on a walk this year, thanks to Bush's bumbling. But damnit, if they don't pull their act together, the blame becomes theirs again as soon as they regain control. Real liberals are no longer interested in the Pelosi/Feinstein/Biden/Kerry/Kennedy types. It's thanks to their political cowardice that Bush has been able to do what he did. America deserves REAL Democrats.

kr pdx said...

I'm working (peripherally) on a production of "Assassins" (the musical).

Nathan, nice rejoinder on Lincoln. I would add that he had severely mixed reviews (even in the North) until Booth killed him to 'let the country heal' from the "tyrant." Heal it did, with Lincoln as martyr and ersatz son of God ... now, I dig on Lincoln, don't get me wrong.

I am just glad most people are calling for impeachment instead of assassination.

PS I especially like the concept of impeaching Cheney at the same time ... thereby discouraging future presidents from choosing lameass, obnoxious VPs as "insurance" ... but I've no idea whether that's legally possible.

Nathan said...

kr

I think impeachment only applies to the sitting president, but I don't think there is a law against "Serial Impeachment". Has a rather nice ring to it. Of course, don't forget, the sitting Speaker of the House then becomes president (could htis be a Democrat after the midterms?). Right now, I don't see any reasonable benefit to impeachment/s. As much as it hurts Democrats to think it, we'll have to let Georgie off the hook, again, for the better gain of our country. He will rightly be remembered as an inept president, an impotent warrior, and a failure of a man. His name will be the benchmark for political death, as is Nixon's and Hoover's. That should be enough for all of us.

Let's make sure our attention is focused on more important issues like poverty, education, health care and setting right the government Bush has so skillfully sabotaged. Don't take your eye off the ball, that should be the enduring lesson of 9/11.

little-cicero said...

I too am glad that everyone's talking about impeachment instead of assasination, but for goodness sakes, especially given the legal nature of these "illegal wiretappings" (I won't scold you as you would scold me on that disingenuous claim):

WHAT ARE THE HIGH CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS THE PRESIDENT COMMITTED THAT REQUIRE IMPEACHMENT.