Saturday, April 15, 2006

The Sounds of Summer

I think we can safely say that winter is over.

It was 78 and sunny in New York today. Birds are singing, tulips and daffodils are blooming, and my windows are open. I am sighing a big sigh of joyful contentedness. Personally, I'm in favor of global warming. Winter is evil. (Okay, I'm not really being serious about global warming, but I do regularly fantasize about living somewhere like San Diego where a blustry winter day is 60.)

I love summer so much. Even in New York. The streets look better when the trees have leaves. The people look better when they're not bundled up under eight layers and a hat. Fire Island! Hurray for warm weather!

Of course summer in New York does have its drawbacks. Humidity. The smells of rotting garbage. The smells of stale urine in the subway stations. The smells of subways, period. But the worst, absolutely the worst, is the fucking Mr. Softee truck.

Why, why, Mr. Softee, must you park right outside my window every year? For hours? Playing that godforsaken horrible crucible of a jingle? Out of tinny, rusty speakers? The same eight bars of "melody," over and over and over and over and over. This is, I'm sure, what the mood music in hell sounds like (except there's no ice cream truck).

Digital technology being what it is -- if I hit "shuffle" on my iPod it would play continuously without repeating a single song for 12 days, 8 hours, 49 minutes and 19 seconds -- I can't comprehend why you're stuck on these same eight bars. Are you afraid the Liebestod won't sell ice cream?

Well, I guess this is the price I pay for decent weather. It could be worse...I suppose Mr. Softee could switch to "My Humps."

8 comments:

Luke said...

There are definitely laws about how long a Mr. softee truck can stay parked in one spot playing that "music." Apparantly city council members also find Mr. Softee annoying, so by all means don't be afraid to call 311 and report the fucker. I do it with the kids who open the hydrants in my neighborhood.

Time said...

When the guy goes to piss (in the alley) take wire cutters and put his music out of business.

Due to lack of humor and class, I will not finish my Easter story.

I do have an Easter word for all, at my site.

Andy said...

Ah, 311! Yes, I'll give that a try.

Oh, and one clarification: when I talked about my iPod and said 12+ days without repeating a song, well...it would be more accurate to say "without repeating a recording." Over those 12 days, my iPod would play "Sempre libera" from La Traviata 14 times: Anna Moffo (2 recordings), Beverly Sills, Carol Vaness, Mirella Freni, Montserrat Caballe, Maria Callas, Kiri Te Kanawa, Angela Gheorghiu, Joan Sutherland, Renee Fleming, Virginia Zeani, Renata Scotto and Anna Netrebko.

Matthew said...

Nice weather like that is one of the things Beirut has going for it. It really does make a huge difference in quality of life.

I'm totally with you on the Mr. Softee truck. I hate those things.

little-cicero said...

"I think we can safely say that winter is over."

Gosh! Why did you have to say this is the end of winter? Now it's going to snow in a week. Remember, last year it snowed around April 28th. As a Yankee you ought to know better!

Andy said...

Yeah...you have a point, especially in a year that had the lowest snowfall of all times, until suddenly we had a blizzard with the largest one-day total in New York history. PS, don't tell anyone, I'm not really a Yankee, I'm more of a SF Giants' fan.

Quinn said...

Andy, you're so wrong! There would be a Mr. Softee truck in hell... but it would be perpetually out of all flavors of everything.

Glenn said...

The Liebestod won't sell ice cream. Apparently 8 bars of music is the ONLY way to sell ice cream.