Saturday, January 20, 2007

How Time Flies When You're Having Stress

Uch.

That pretty much sums it up.

Yes, I'm still here. I have been so busy lately -- both at work and in planning my upcoming move -- that I haven't had time or energy to follow the news or even read anyone's blogs. I haven't seen another person's blog in a week. I'll try to catch up this weekend. I have no idea what's happening in the world. The only time I have for current events is reading the cover of The New York Post that the person in front of me on the subway is holding. Basically, if I understand correctly, the week's top story is that Lindsay Lohan is in rehab.

This week was hard. Without going too much into it, I'm having some disagreements with my supervisors at work over priorities.

Also it is becoming apparent that the best strategy for relocation means abandoning almost everything I own. The cost of replacing my furniture and other banal possessions is only slightly higher than the cost of moving them across the country, so it seems like the better investment would be to just buy new things upon arrival. This also has the advantage of not needing a place to put an apartment's worth full of crap somewhere until I have a new home.

I've had a lot of sleepless nights lately. I think I understand why people turn to drugs. My mind would not get off the issues facing me. Either I was lying in bed arguing in my head with my bosses, getting angry over things I only fantasized they were saying (however likely it might be that they might eventually say them), or I was constantly turning over my spring calendar and fretting over all the things that could go wrong and brainstorming things I have to do, accounts to cancel, hotel options to research, gas costs to estimate, blah blah blah.

Try as I might, I just couldn't get my brain to leave it alone. I need to get back to my yoga practice, but every time I try to sit still and breathe and relax, my brain starts yelling at me, "You have too much to do!" I can't read, I can't listen to music, I can't watch TV. I just can't focus on anything. My brain just hijacks itself and goes back to work and moving.

Last night I had a good friend's birthday party to go to, but I came home and stretched out on the sofa and flipped on Animal Planet, and then promptly fell asleep and woke up at 10:45. I hadn't eaten dinner or anything, and I couldn't possibly have gotten to the party before midnight anyway, so I made a frozen pizza that I had in the freezer and then tried to go back to bed. Then of course I couldn't sleep. Ah, the joys of being stressed out. You're only sleepy when you need to be awake.

Still, there's reason for optimism. The wheels are turning and things are falling into place. I have a budget for this and should be able to last for a while upon arrival until I have a permanent job. The Amazon.com sales are going pretty well -- I've sold twelve items and made over $100! I've updated my storefront and added a few more items, hopefully with some broader appeal, so look again if you haven't recently.

And I promise to try to get back in touch with the rest of the world as soon as I can.

3 comments:

Gino said...

relax, andy.
it'll all be over soon.
as for work: you dont need them much longer. if they fire you, you get a big last check, and jump to OR.
once in OR, you'll be among family and friends who love you.

sound to me like only good things can happen in the end.

K-Lyn said...

Does it help to know the IKEA in Portland will be opening soon?

Jeremiah said...

When I moved from Miami to Montreal, I sold everything and that which I did not sell went to charity because I was part of the HIV community there. I donated back all the stuff I could not sell by move date.

I then ended up with a few suitcases and 12 boxes that I shipped up here which worked well.

If you are starting a new life, then why not make it all new.

Good luck, remember to breathe.

Jeremy