I Smell Something, But Not a Pulitzer

Move over Seymour Hersh. I know you think you're all big and everything with your repeated exposés on the Iraq war, but as an investigative reporter you've got nothing on the venerable New York Post.

Yes, the paper that brought you the exclusive, full-color front page scoop that John Kerry had picked Richard Gephardt as his running mate and continues to cover the Monica Lewinsky scandal as it develops has scored another journalistic triumph, revealing information that will shake America to its very foundations.

There are gays on Broadway.

The world of Broadway theater is so gay, in fact, that the headline reads, THE GAY WHITE WAY.

Just how gay is it? Well, come September, both leads in the current revival of Fiddler on the Roof will be played by homosexuals. I mean, wow, that's even gayer than the second cast of the La Cage aux Folles!

Rosie O'Donnell will take over the role of Golde, starring opposite the Tevye of fellow queer Harvey Fierstein. (No word on whether any supporting cast members, chorus, orchestra or crew might possibly also be homosexuals.)

In addition to being a lesbian, the Post dramatically reveals that O'Donnell is Irish-American, and will be playing a "devout Orthodox Jewish wife and mother living in a tiny Russian village." The longstanding and questionable practice of so-called "color-blind" or "open" casting in the theater world is finally getting the media attention it deserves. What's next? A Macbeth who's not Scottish?

Reaction to this "un-orthodox" move has not been unanimously enthusiastic. Bill Hoffman, the intrepid reporter responsible for bringing us this crucial information, managed to obtain the following statement from the Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America: "No comment."