Have you ever read a coroner's report?
I hadn't, until Slacktivist linked to one. Recently he's been exploring the roots of anti-gayness among conservative Christians, with a special post devoted to the astonishing frequency of gay and/or kinky conservative Christian gay-bashers. (See Haggard, Ted; Craig, Larry; Foley, Mark, et al.)
There was one whose sad recent demise had passed below my radar: one Reverend Gary Aldridge of Alabama, a former aide to Jerry Falwell. Rev. Aldridge died of asphyxiation. Specifically, an autoerotic asphyxia mishap.
Aldridge "was found hogtied and wearing two complete wet suits, including a face mask, diving gloves and slippers, rubberized underwear, and a head mask, according to an autopsy report." Whatever happened to slipping into something more comfortable?
Oh, and, incidentally, according to the coroner, "There [was] a dildo in the anus covered with a condom." Well, you know, kudos to him for playing safe.
Reading the report, however, I am really relieved that I will not be around to read my own. I think this is just further evidence of the American Idolization of our culture, that we think it's okay to go around evaluating people according to our own shallow preferences and then pontificating ad nauseum about it. I mean, seriously: "The normocephalic head is covered by brown hair. There is frontal balding." Really? I mean, the man was found dead inside two diving suits with a dildo in his butt, as if that isn't mortifying enough, and you have to go pointing out his "frontal balding"?
"The genitalia are normal adult male external genitalia." Well, at least they're not grossly unremarkable.
Just remember, you can't take it with you: "Personal Effects: One yellow metal ring intact on left ring finger; one dildo."