20 Tips on How to be a Professional Singer

1. Wait for all applause...real, expected or imagined! If you don't get an ovation, face front and repeat the last phrase -- louder!! Failing this, clap for yourself, and shout "bravo!" as you take a bow...if you time it right, they'll never notice. After a recital, give encores until you get the standing ovation you deserve.
2. Cultivate an attitude of hostility. Tension gets results...onstage and off! Once people are afraid to make you angry, you are set for life.
3. A good performance, like concrete, should be molded quickly and then forever set.
4. Your first responsibility as a singer is to find your light.
5. Do not listen to your fellow singers on stage, it will only throw you off.
6. Don't look at them either...you won't like what you see.
7. Have clear and specific interpretations (for example, point at everything you're singing about, e.g., "Cielo (up) e mar (down)")
8. If a phrase isn't working for you, change it. If a coach asks you about it, just tell them you're working from the Urtext.
9. Stage managers are not singers, so ignore them. Keep them alert by never arriving on time or signing in. Certain opera companies let other people sign in for you, so be sure to ask.
10. Never be afraid to ad lib to get attention, especially if you feel like the other singers are not very interesting.
11. Mistakes can always be attributed to someone or something else. Never accept blame. (This apparently works in politics, too.)
12. Always find something to bitch about, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Your fellow singers will appreciate your professional attention to detail.
13. If your coach makes a mistake playing the piano, be sure to point it out and make them play it until they get it right. It's only fair. Insist that they be off-book by the first staging rehearsal.
14. Never carry make-up. Someone else will always have what you need.
15. Never help understudies, or even acknowledge their presence. They secretly hate you and want your job, and after each performance they email everyone they know with a detailed evaluation of how much you suck.
16. When understudying someone, be careful to whom you send emails.
17. Do you help your fellow singers (ESPECIALLY if you are the understudy) by giving them constructive criticism whenever you feel it necessary. Be sure to give your criticism immediately before they go on so that it will be fresh in their minds for the performance. Don't hesitate to offer advice on vocal technique or to point out musical mistakes or incorrect diction that the coaches have overlooked.
18. Play the reality...always be aware of the audience and whether you think they are enjoying the performance. Give them half an hour. If they still aren't clapping, there's no point in giving 100% because they won't appreciate it anyway. Save your strength for the next audience. Never forget, you get paid whether they clap or not.
19. If a director hints that you need work on character development, don't worry. All you really need is a wig and a costume and the characterization will take care of itself.
20. The only difference between an amateur and a pro is that you get paid.