Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Champagne Taste on a Homeless Budget

This morning on the A train I had a performance by a homeless comedian during the ride from 125th to 59th. Mostly he was offensive and not particularly funny, a lot of "My wife so fat..." jokes. But one thing he said nearly made me fall out of my seat.

"My wife tell me she want a bottle of champagne. So I go down to the store, and get myself a $3.99 bottle of cooking wine, and then I put a Alka-Seltzer in it."

22 comments:

Travis said...

$3.99?

That's some good shit. Mine cost $1.99

little-cicero said...

Are these homeless subway comics a fairly common sight in New York? I've never been on a subway, so bear with my ignorance!

Andy said...

I've seen magicians before, but I don't think I've ever heard anyone with a practiced comedy routine.

Bear with your ignorance? Must...restrain...self...from...smart-ass...remark...failing...

little-cicero said...

Why start restraining yourself now? :)
Actually I'll bet you do it all the time. I'm just not sharp-witted enough to know when I've set myself up for something. :)

LeshDogg said...

Which is why we must restrain ourselves...

Daddy always said not to get into a battle of wits with an unarmed person...

little-cicero said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
little-cicero said...

"Tushay" said the swordless fencer!

little-cicero said...

I just remembered a Sanford and Son joke, where he says he mixed soda water and ripple, and produced "Champipple" :)

DJRainDog said...

That may be one of the funniest words I've read today, l-c. In other news, bravo on the admission that you weren't sure how to spell "touché". I assume you're taking Spanish (naturally, you'd hate the French? ;-) ) to fulfill the foreign language requirement at your high-school? (Or are those a thing of the past?)

little-cicero said...

Actually, I knew it was spelled touche but it didn't look right without the accent. As I know how much an accent can change the meaning of a word from experience (yes I was a Spanish student, but only for two years) I just decided to spoof it up. How do you add an accented syllable?

DJRainDog said...

You use a Macintosh. ;-) (In that case, the accent aigu is added with the OPTION key and the E followed by the letter onto which you wish to append it. On a PC, there are places where you simply can't do it.)

little-cicero said...

NO! I'm not a Mac user. Macs are icky! My former teacher leshdogg, however, is a proud Mac user.

I tried doing what you said, and naturally nothing happened. That's one point for Mac- which I guess makes the score 100 to 1 :) Thanks anyways.

Jean F. said...

LC and DJ,
When I had to switch from a MAC to a PC (change in jobs), it took four therapists and a village to get me through it... Then I marry someone who gets free PC's from Intel... I've never been the same. I'm about ready for a new computer and my husband is retired from Intel now -- I see a MAC in my future.

little-cicero said...

Maybe a better analogy than Diet Coke to homosexuality would be being a Mac user. I doubt that most Mac users CHOSE to be Mac users, but once you become a Mac user, you can't simply start using a PC. It takes therapy! I'd say it's a fairly accurate analogy.

DJRainDog said...

Incorrect, l-c. I used a Mac all the way through college and the same one at home for a couple years afterward before I bought the second one (admittedly, I should've bought a new one sooner). After buying the second Mac, I became the IT manager for an architecture firm running a network of about 60 PCs, plus servers. I was fine, but I liked going home to my dependable little Mac that didn't crash, and whose hard drive I didn't have to reformat and reinstall the OS on on a regular basis. When I moved to the City and realised I needed a laptop? Mac, again. Occasionally, I must admit, I'd like to have a PC around -- running Linux, though, not Windows. ;-)

little-cicero said...

True, but aren't you also bisexual? :P

kr pdx said...

LC, nice comeback ;), but I know several non-bisexual men who can swing both ways on the computer thing. (I am not familiar witht the computer preferences or sexual habits of my computer-liking female friends.)

I'm tempted to make the generalization that people less flexible in their thinking (which does NOT mean less intelligent) prefer IBMs ;).

Andy said...

OMG, DJ! Little Cicero just completely NAILED you on that, that was farging hilarious.

DJRainDog said...

Tushy. ;-) (Neither "touché" nor "tushay", but rather a description or a body part, take your pick.) And yes, l-c, THAT was quite clever. Good man. I'm also ambidextrous and bilingual...and rumour has it, mildly bipolar. Make of it all what you will.

little-cicero said...

Yes, I am master of my domain (by domain I guess I mean blogspot).

I'm still trying to figure out where, in these analogies the IBM and Diet Rite people fall as far as their sexualities are concerned. Beastiality?

:)

Andy said...

What is it with conservatives and bestiality? I think all Republicans suffer from seriously repressed sexual disorders. Bleagh.

little-cicero said...

"seriously repressed sexual disorders" Is that your word for abstinence? :P