This morning on the A train I had a performance by a homeless comedian during the ride from 125th to 59th. Mostly he was offensive and not particularly funny, a lot of "My wife so fat..." jokes. But one thing he said nearly made me fall out of my seat.
"My wife tell me she want a bottle of champagne. So I go down to the store, and get myself a $3.99 bottle of cooking wine, and then I put a Alka-Seltzer in it."