Rant

Who is the asshole that designed those fucking two-faucet sinks? You know, with one faucet for ice cold and one faucet for scalding hot and never the twain shall meet? Even worse are the ones that you actually have to press down on in order to get water to come out, so that you can never rinse both hands at the same time.

Who thought that was a good idea?

And who buys them? Probably some un-hygienic freak who's never washed his hands in his life so he never considered how frickin' inconvenient and illogical such a retarded-ass sink is.

It's cold and raining today. My umbrella is broken. I don't know what it is. I lived in Oregon for 12 years and I don't remember ever having to deal with a broken umbrella. In Manhattan, I buy about one umbrella a month.

Question for the ages: when it's raining, how do you stop at the coffee cart and manage to pick up your breakfast, take out your wallet and pay for it while holding your umbrella? And now that you're holding a bag containing coffee and a donut, how do you get your wallet out again to show the security guy your building pass?

Easy. You put the umbrella down. It's so windy it'll just rip apart anyway.

So I was a little wet when I got to work. So was my paper bag. So was my donut.

The coffee guy -- he's so adorably cute, so I'll let it go -- put my Friday Boston Creme in the bag with the chocolate side facing the coffee cup. Also the coffee cup lid leaked. So when I got to my cubicle and set the bag down, a chocolate/coffee/rainwater puddle immediately started spreading across my desk. Fortunately I had napkins on hand.

I reached into the bag to take out the coffee, and all the chocolate frosting from the donut has melted and stuck to the cup. The cup has more frosting than my donut.

TGIF.