Propriety

Generally I keep the language in my blogs pretty clean. I think excessive foul language cheapens whatever point you're trying to make; however, I think the occasional use of profanity for the sake of emphasis can actually be done quite eloquently. (Dick Cheney might agree.)

Having said that, I write like I talk. Occasionally I say a word that would get me in trouble with the FCC. But usually, it's pretty tame. So when I got the comment from my mother on the post below this one, I honestly thought she was kidding. I mean, I'm 30 years old. Use the word "shit" once a day and she has to write to complain about your language? And given the unique relationship I have with my mother and her particular sense of humor, I was sure she was kidding.

So I responded by saying, "Fuck off." I thought it was hilarious.

Ooooops.

But upon further investigation, it seems she's not so much concerned about word choice as subject matter. Here's what she wrote in an email:

"Well sweetpea I respect you and your views -- I'm not sure about everyone in the family. I think some of the things you write will be something of a surprise or somewhat shocking to some family members. I guess that means the things related to the gay experience. You know I support you and I want you to be happy. I just think that some folks might be a little uncomfortable with your candor."

I have the best mom in the world. I really do. And I'm not just saying that because I'm soooooo in the doghouse right now. Go back through the archives and see the other great, supportive comments my mom has posted. Really, she's the best. I brag about her to my friends. I think we have an exceptional relationship. I was sure that we were so tight she'd know without question that I was kidding.

But now I see what she was really getting at.

I'm trying hard not to be angry here. But it sounds like it's okay with the family that I'm gay, in a sort of abstract, non-sexual way. Thinking about Andy having physical relationships with men makes them uncomfortable.

Well, you know what? That is SO their deal, not mine. That's part of what my blog is about. What right do they even have to be uncomfortable? I hope they enjoy my blog. If they don't, they sure don't have to read it. If they disagree, they can post comments. If they're offended, they can post comments. Or they can privately contact me. No one has.

You see, I think I'm one of the better advocates for the gay movement out there because my public persona is quite mellow, quite "normal," very "non-threatening." A lot of people assume I'm straight. That makes me one of the gays they're "comfortable" with.

But you know what? Being gay is not just about having a fashion sense and enjoying showtunes. I mean, for all of the fighting we have to do to get people to acknowledge that gayness is not just about sex, I'm stuck with the conundrum that people don't want to acknowledge that I have sex. Well, I do. If that makes you uncomfortable, then sit down and get comfortable with it.

Do you know what I've gone through in my life? Do you know how I've struggled to reach acceptance with myself and God and to have a healthy attitude towards sex and relationships? Do you know how uncomfortable I've been for the majority of my life in my own skin?

Do you know how much anger I have at straight people, how jealous I am for how comparatively easy their lives are and how they take that for granted? How they get to flaunt their fancy weddings and their progeny? Do you know how much I detest it when people assume I'm straight? Now, these are my own issues to work through, and they're in progress.

But I'm not going to apologize for one minute for making anyone uncomfortable because of frank talk about sexuality. My whole life has been uncomfortable. It's your turn. Deal with reality.

Now. This was not addressed to my mother. My mother and I have our own little issue right now which with God's grace we will resolve. I'm not worried.

It was also not addressed to any particular family members. I have been so, so, so very lucky with my family in terms of their open mindedness and support. This goes to any reader in general. My blog is my blog. It's just for me. I write about things I want to get out. I hope you check in from time to time. If something interests you, great. If you say to yourself, "Well, this is not so interesting" or "I don't like to read about things like this" that is your prerogative.

There is a war on in this country, if you hadn't noticed. A war that people like me run a great risk of losing, currently. As far as I'm concerned, it's fight or die. One of the things the religious right wants is for us to just go away, or at least stop injecting reality into their pretty little pictures of how things should be. Well, I don't intend to play along.