Saturday, March 12, 2005

I Can't, I have a Cialis-Induced Headache

When I went next door to get coffee this morning, they had the TV on and there was an ad for Cialis running. It made me not want to have TV, ever.

"Cialis allows me to be the man my wife depends on -- for up to thirty-six hours!"

On a friend's blog recently I complained about the pharmaceutical industry; this is exactly what I was talking about.

The President and his allies are working hard (umm...no pun intended, really) to "strengthen" marriage by preventing more people from getting married. They're also doing their best to censor everything within their grasp to make entertainment conform to their neo-Puritan "values." Yet they let the pharmaceutical industry -- one of their most important donors -- get away with promoting this patently offensive sexist crap on the air.

It's not offensive because they're talking about sex or even erectile dysfunction. When you have a man in a television commercial say, "Cialis allows me to be the man my wife depends on," it's clear that what she "depends" on is a hard cock, and without a stiffy, you're not a man. Without that boner, you're just not fulfilling her needs and your marriage is in jeopardy. She doesn't need you to help support the family financially, she doesn't need you to remember birthdays or anniversaries or even to pick up that gallon of milk on your way home. She doesn't need you to take out the garbage or fetch her mother from the airport. She doesn't need your love and emotional support: all of that is meaningless without an erection, apparently.

Problems with your marriage? Ask your doctor if Cialis is right for you, and your problems will go away. For up to thirty-six hours!

At the end of the commercial, they cut to a different man's voice at a lower volume and more rapid speed who rattles off a statement they're required to share but hope you don't hear: "Side effects may include headache, nausea, indigestion and back pain."

So you've got an erection, but you've also got a headache, you're gassy, you feel like you're gonna barf and you've got back and muscle pain. Yeah, that'll be a great lay.

15 comments:

Matthew said...

Too true. I've been a little weirded out lately by the popular concept of masculinity. Frankly, the criterion held up as masculine ideals don't really count for much in the whole marraige thing. My dimensions have had a whole lot less to do with the success of my marraige than my ability to compromise, be supportive, etc.

I bet if they could make a pill for that it would outsell Cialis by exponents.

Anonymous said...

Right on, Andy and Matthew!

-SW

Jess said...

Isn't that the one that warns of possible 4+ hour erections? Seems to me an erection lasting more than four hours calls for a party! ;)

"In the event of an erection lasting more than four hours, seek immediate assistance from a professional sex worker..." :)

Matthew said...

I would freak out if I had an erection that lasted 4+ hours.

Eeek!

Anonymous said...

I had sex with a guy who held his erection for 8 hours straight (he was a top). It was really fun.

Andy said...

Oy, my parents are going to plots when they read these comments.

Richie: (a) was this erection drug-enhanced? and (b) if he looked anything remotely like Sean Astin, can I have his number?

Andy said...

Ummm..."plots" is the Washington Heights variant of the generally preferred "plotz." Yeah...that's it.

Anonymous said...

Sorry Andy,

I probably should've asked discreetly for your personal email addy and we could've continued this conversation offline. You can blame it on me if your parents tell you off. After all, I just lost my virginity five years ago (I am 28).

It was, awful as it sounds, drug-enhanced :( Hope you don't think any less of me! But hey, he wanted to be a good top and who was I to say no?

BTW, he doesn't look like Sean Astin but he resembles Keanu Reeves quite a lot. I think we went all "missionary" just so that he could stare at my "dreamy eyes" (I quote his words!)

Andy said...

Richie: no problemo. FYI, my email address is obtainable by clicking on the link to my full profile.

Anonymous said...

Iam a woman and my husband took the Cialis ! It did not work for him,sucks for me.
I agree with the fact that the commercial is wrong to even suggest that a depandent husband is only a one with a hard on.
screw sex if the man is an ass-hole.

Anonymous said...

Cialis and coffee is never a good combo for me... that's why i am checking out some online pharmacy no rx to see if i can find any good alternative with cialis or i should just totally stop drinking coffee...

Anonymous said...

I happened to be struggling with excessive weight. All my life was touched until I revealed Cialis here. This medicine helped me drop superfluous body mass . I'm very delighted right now because I am slim.

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