Thursday, June 30, 2005

What Kind of Cream Are You?


Yay, Canada! Viva Espana!

In the wake of the recent legislative victories in Spain and our northern neighbor (unless you live in Detroit, in which case part of Canada is south of you -- fun fact for the day!) I decided to check out one of my favorite websites, that of the American Family Association, to see what brilliant insights they had into these recent developments.

I needed to look no further than their "Homosexual Agenda" menu to find a compelling article by America's favorite former homosexual, Stephen Bennett.

Have you ever wondered what, really, is the difference between heterosexuals and gay people? Bennett sums it up for you with this most astute of analogies:

At the end of my speech, I held in one hand a coffee creamer from our dinner table. I read the simple wording on the label to the attentive audience: “100% REAL CREAM – ALL NATURAL.” That is all the label said.

In my other hand, I held another coffee creamer. Yet this one was very different.

It was a sealed paper packet that had a drawing of a farm, sitting on rolling hills. The sun was setting in the background, the picture very beautiful and peaceful. I read the label to the audience:

“Wholesome Farms – NON-DAIRY CREAMER. Ingredients: Corn Syrup Solids, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean and/or Canola Oils, Sodium Caseinate (A Milk Derivative), Dipotassium Phosphate, Mono and Diglyceerides, Artificial Colors, Silicon Dioxide, Lechtin, Artificial Flavors.”

You see, one coffee creamer was “REAL” – and the other was “ARTIFICIAL.”

I said, “As a former homosexual, I stand here before you today and say to you first hand, THIS is the difference between the God ordained institution of marriage between one man and one woman – and so-called homosexual “marriage.”

I stand in awe of the profundity.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is the first thing I read this morning and it makes me gag. How am I going to eat my breakfast now? It actually breaks my heart. Who in their right mind could buy into that argument? I just want to take him and shake him...
JF

Tin Man said...

I remain proudly gay and somewhat lactose-intolerant.

Steve said...

'Former Homosexual', indeed. How much you wanna bet...

Jon said...

I just think it's perversely amusing that his entire analogy of homosexuality is based on cream...

Andy said...

I know, that cream thing is ridiculous. As soon as I read it I was like, hmmm...you couldn't have picked something less subliminal?

And, the NERVE to go around saying gay people are "fake," when he's the big queen pretending to be restored heterosexual. What a fraud.

Cory said...

Sorry to be a downer. Let's focus on Sandy Day O'Connor's retirement for a moment. Please recognize this--the next Supreme Court appointment will affect all of us for the majority of the rest of our lives. Please speak up about your preferences over the next few weeks.
-c

Anonymous said...

Its quite possible to leave the gay lifestyle. I've done it and its NOT to pursue heterosexuality either. I am working to be more like Christ and to have a stronger, more loving relationship with him. I only boast in Christ (NOT what or whom I choose to love and what I do with my penis).

Andy said...

Interesting comment, A. What is "the gay lifestyle"?

Yes, we should all try to be more like Christ, but on the other hand, love and intimacy are two of the greatest, most precious gifts God has given us. I think it's a little bit rude to spurn those special, sacred gifts and call them dirty and sinful. It is possible to have a holy and meaningful gay relationship.