And...We're Back

Sorry folks, I guess Blogger was having technical difficulties...my page sort of disappeared for a couple of days. The timing was actually okay, I've been too busy to sit down and write anything.

I'm officially employed now, and so far it's going great! I think this is going to be a great fit for me, and I'm really excited. I'll write in more detail -- not that you were worried -- soon.

At Least I Know it Wasn't a Dream

So I happened to be doing laundry in the basement today at the same time as my upstairs neighbor. At one point he exclaimed, "OMG, the hottest fireman knocked on my door on Thursday night!"

On This Day in Middle Earth

The Coronation of King Elessar. Elrond and Arwen set out from Rivendell.

Unlikely

I just finished watching Kill Bill: Volume 1.

I liked it, even if it was kind of gross. But right now, what I'm having trouble with is the idea that Sophie has had the same ringtone -- let alone the same cellphone -- for five years. People thought I kept my Sam Gamgee AIM icon too long, but that's just ridiculous.

Yeah, Sounds Like the Upper West Side

The residents of a small town in Kentucky are demanding an apology from the A&E network, claiming that a recent episode of City Confidential inaccurately portrayed Pikeville as some sort of jerkwater hillbilly place.

“You start the piece by showing a rebel flag on Julius Avenue, an overweight man without a shirt smoking a cigarette and an old pickup with a few women in the back,” City Manager Donovan Blackburn said. “As I am sure you would agree, you can go to almost any city in America and find the same.”

Donovan, my friend, you need to get out more.

Andy Was Here '05

Well, it's the end of an era.

I took my first temp job at the age of 19, during a semester I took off to save up money for my move to New York. I had one year of college under my belt, but not any real experience. The girl at the reception desk at the temp agency in Portland, Oregon, took a look at my scanty excuse for a resume and said, "We really can't help you, you, like, don't have any skills."

I asked if I could at least be allowed to take a typing test. "Okay," she sighed.

After they clocked me at 88 wpm, they were a little more interested. At first I did pretty dull things: stuffing envelopes, doing telemarketing for a comedy club, etc. I was better at this stuff than at retail; my manager at Williams-Sonoma at Pioneer Place actually asked me once, "Are you trying to piss me off or are you just stupid?"

Despite that, when I finally arrived in Manhattan, what I thought I wanted more than anything else was to work at the gift shop at Lincoln Center. I thought that would be so great. Soon I realized that if I wanted to be treated like total crap, I could get a lot more than $6.25 an hour. Back to temping I went!

Over the years I did a wide variety of things and worked for many interesting (read: insane) people. Highlights included doing data entry for the Birdathon fundraising drive at the Audubon Society, assisting Neil Cavuto at Fox News (this was before I was politically aware), and being fired without explanation from JP Morgan Partners and BlackRock Financial.

There was a certain comfort in my temp status. If I didn't like my job for some reason, I could call the agency and asked to be reassigned. I had unlimited vacation and sick days -- I just wasn't paid for time off. Furthermore, being a temp -- and being blond to boot -- I benefited greatly from the soft bigotry of low expectations. I could always get myself out of a mess by pleading stupidity.

All that is coming to an end next week as I start my first real job ever. It's kind of intimidating, and maybe not a little pathetic to be finally joining the grown up world of responsibility just six weeks shy of my 31st birthday.

So here I sit on my last day in the investment banking world, God willing. (I'll be here Monday to transition the new person, but don't intend to "do" anything.) The filing is done. The loose ends are tied. Expense reports submitted. Saltine crumbs wiped off the desk. And though there won't be any physical, tangible proof of my existence left behind, I like to think that the Legend of Andy the Temp will live on here as it does elsewhere.

Thought for the Day

If God is your co-pilot, switch seats.

Fantasies Come True...With Bad Timing

So I haven't been real successful in the dating realm lately. I mean, honestly, I can't even say I've been on anything that resembled a "date" since...um...hmm, offhand I can't remember. Seriously, part of the problem is that I live so far uptown that going "out" is a major effort, and I don't really like staying up very late. But I often kick myself and say, "Andrew (which is what I call myself when I'm lecturing myself), hot guys don't just come knock on your door. You have to put yourself out there in order to meet people."

Okay, well, read the post below and you'll see today wasn't exactly super fun...my mom turned out fine, but I was rather distracted all day and work was kind of stressful as a major project we've been working on utterly fell apart and a head or two might roll because of it. (Not mine, I'm leaving anyway.)

So I came home, had a couple of my trademark Pink Hobbits (1 part lemonade, 1 part cranberry, 1 part 7Up, season with vodka to taste), and watched The Two Towers. (Confession: I'm so drained I didn't think I could make it through the extended edition, so, gasp, I watched the theatrical release version. On VHS. I know, I know.) I had the volume up maybe a hair lighter than is polite, but it was relatively early in the evening. (I also have new neighbors downstairs whom I haven't met yet.)

Then I was soaking in a hot bath, while listening to a Smithsonian CD collection of music from Central Asia. Look, I'm a complete fucking dork, okay? I admit it. Yeah, and I had some incense burning. What's your point? And maybe a candle or two.

So I'm in the tub -- and I like it hot, baby -- when I hear someone POUNDING on my door. I wait a moment or two, but the POUNDING continues.

We've had plumbing problems in the building before, so I'm wondering if my tub is leaking downstairs again. Or maybe my Azerbaijani folk music is too loud. So I hop out, dripping water all over everywhere, throw on my robe, and go to the door.

There is the hottest fireman I've ever seen. And that's saying something. I mean, he was CUTE.

I'm dripping wet, in an old bathrobe, my face red and flushed from the bath. Oh, and I'm having complexion problems today, too.

"Hi, we got some reports about smoke, do you smell anything?"

"Umm...nothing unusual...I have some candles and incense going, is that what you mean?"

"Hmm, I doubt it, but maybe I should check it out, if that's okay."

"Ummm...sure..."

Okay. So he comes in and is looking around.

"Okay, nothing out of the ordinary here, thanks."

Nothing out of the ordinary? A white gay guy soaking in the tub surrounded by candles and incense listening to Mongolian long songs? New York must be weirder than I thought. Oy. This calls for another drink.

[PS, I'm also a little nervous after the fire department checked out complaints in Brooklyn earlier this week and left without finding anything. However, since I want to be cremated anyway, I guess maybe that could be cost-effective. : ( ]

Explain, Please

Okay, I know AOL polls are unscientific and most aol users are kind of...ummm, well, let's just say the best and the brightest are probably using some other domain. (Full disclosure: I'm on AOL.) But here's a poll that's ongoing tonight during Bush's press conference. Over 45,000 respondents so far.

59% rate Bush's overall performance as "poor." Only 18% rate "excellent."

75% oppose Bush's social security plan.

74% oppose Bush's energy plan; 40% say they don't understand it.

71% oppose Bush's handling of Iraq.

75% oppose his handling of the economy.

And this President is supposed to have a "mandate" of some kind? This President who squeaked by with 51% of the popular vote after widespread voting irregularities in Ohio and Florida?

Even Better than Buffalo Tennis

Let's have a caption contest. Um, not sure what the prize is, I'll think of something. (Here's the origin of this pic, it's pretty good, actually.)

Fudd Me

Points if you catch the above reference.

Well, today didn't go quite like I planned.

The boss asked me what was happening in terms of rescheduling a meeting we'd had to postpone from Monday. This particular meeting has always been a problem. I send out emails to all the relevant parties saying things like, "Please let me know your availability for a meeting at 2 p.m. on Monday, April 25" etc. You know, real hard-nosed of me. They never respond, ever. I was desperately trying to get in touch with someone, anyone from this meeting to confirm that it was actually happening before I sent my boss to Philadelphia for it.

Then of course we canceled it.

I followed up immediately with an email suggesting alternate dates for rescheduling. No responses. Not one from any of the five people (not from my company, they're all external). No one returns phone calls.

This morning the boss asks again when that meeting is going to happen.

So I composed an email to the participants saying I was "somewhat dismayed" that I had not received a single response from anyone to any of my emails and phonecalls, and that if there was a more convenient way for them to have me coordinate the meeting to please let me know.

I got one response in 35 seconds. (Yes, I timed it.)

"I would think “dismay” is fairly strong for someone who cancelled when several of us were en route from out of town when we received the cancellation notice."

Yes, we canceled the meeting at the last minute. For, as far as I can tell, no good reason whatsoever, but I don't make it my business to ask. I'd already apologized profusely and made all the usual excuses. No one had responded to my urgent cancellation notice, either.

So, hummppfff! to that guy. First of all, I am a secretary, Mr. I Can't Be Bothered to Answer An Email. I'm not the one who canceled the meeting, don't shoot the messenger. Secondly, if you think "somewhat dismayed" is harsh, then you should have heard what I really wanted to write, you arrogant fuckwit.

I guess I'll just pass this off to my successor.

My mother and stepfather are in New York currently, on their way to Europe tonight. Last night at dinner my mother was complaining of sharp pains in her leg, and I thought it would be best for everyone's peace of mind if we could get her in to see my doctor this morning. He graciously made time for them, and then decided her symptoms might mean she had a blood clot, which of course can cause a heart attack or a stroke. Sigh.

So, off to the hospital she went. She had an ultrasound. It was neither a boy nor a girl, nor a clot. It was a cyst of some kind. But this required an MRI to determine what kind. (As the clock ticks down toward their departure time.) Apparently it's just a water-filled cyst and will probably burst on its own at some point, nothing to worry about, just a little uncomfortable for now.

Still, thinking about my mother undergoing a bunch of tests at a hospital just hours before she heads off to Europe for a month was a little disconcerting. I was sure she'd be fine, but as I know my mother I know how she sometimes panics a little bit and I was more worried about her stress than anything else. But she called and said she was okay. They probably gave her a little something for the plane ride. Where's mine?

I also had hoped to corral my boss for a second today to at least say in person "thanks so much, I'm leaving to take another job" but this office has been a complete zoo today. I shouldn't even be blogging right now, but my brain needed the break. I am going home tonight and curling up on the sofa with some beer, leftover Chinese food and a couple of hobbits.

Enough About My New Job and Tom DeLay

Looking at this pic just makes me feel better.

When the Olympics come to New York in 2012, we've got to get this. I think America would totally kick ass in the 300 meter buffalo hurdle. Or maybe we could make some sort of triathlon out of it: cross country race, tennis match and police-officer-tipping.

Best snide comment on this event, from the comments section on Slacktivist:

"Typical media bias. They take photos of the dozen buffalo at their anti-tennis protest, but they don't show you the ten-thousand pro-tennis llamas down the street. Bastards."

You May Congratulate Me Here

Sorry, several people have noticed that the comment function on the post below doesn't seem to be working.

Anyway, further detail about the job, if you're interested: I will be the assistant to the deputy director (and also do HR and office management work) for one of the nation's most active and prominent gay rights organizations. A big change from the investment banking world! (And I couldn't be happier.)

I can't help but feel a bit validated, after turning down so many job offers from places where I've been doing temp work because I just really didn't want a corporate job. I kept telling my friends with my smiling naivete that I was sure there was something better out there for me and that I was just going to trust in my life path. Not that I didn't have private moments of doubt...

I almost accepted the position where I'm now finishing up my last days as a temp. The new job will pay half what this one would have, but it will come with much less grief (I hope!) and at the very least it's something I can care about. To me, that's worth more than money. Plus...it's casual dress! Yay! (Offset by the fact that it's at the far eastern end of Wall Street; couldn't possibly be farther from my house and still be in Manhattan, but oh well.)

Anyway, I'm sorry I haven't written anything of interest in several days...my mind has been preoccupied! Also hopefully now I will have more time. Thanks again to everyone for their support!

JOB UPDATE

I got it.

: )

Working on details of when my first day will be.

Also working on details of celebratory happy hour (probably early next week).

Thanks, all, for your tremendous support and good wishes, and MOST especially to my crack team who helped me craft that great cover letter.

They won't be able to read this for several weeks, probably, as they are traveling, but a deep debt (um, pun intended) of gratitude to my mother and stepfather who recognize, appreciate and support my desire to move into this kind of work and are willing to help me through the transition.

Why Did God Give us Minds?

So we could change them, obviously.

And why did God give us friends?

So we'd have an external warning system to let us know when we've made a mistake.

Positively everyone thinks I should still go for this job, salary be damned. My parents have offered to help out, because they know I want this.

I'm still mulling it over. I have reached a certain age where I feel an obligation to be financially independent; furthermore, though I have simple tastes, I do have a slight materialistic side. I was hoping for more money. Not because I think I'm "worth" it, but because you know, I was hoping to be able to finally afford cable and a gym membership. And maybe a cat. : (

I still have some time to think about it.

And as for what I "need," well...here's what Jesus had to say about that.

What's Worse than Not Getting the Job?

Having to turn it down.

I really wanted this. I still do. I think it would be great for me. However, they called this afternoon to let me know that their budget only allows them to offer a salary that is fully $10,000 short of what I need to pay my bills. It's not a question of me thinking I'm worth more or finding a way to cut my costs. It's just well below what I need to meet my obligations.

They told me I could have the weekend to think about whether I still wanted to be considered, but I'll have to call them on Monday and withdraw.

I'm pretty down right now. I hate my current work situation and I was desperately hoping to have a way out of there today.

Thanks, everyone, for all your support and good wishes. Keep wishing.

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

Every time an angel appears in the Bible, the greeting is "Fear not!" or some variation thereof.

According to Mark (5:36), Jesus said, "Do not fear; only believe."

I bring this up because after having spent years standing up for fairness and civil rights, the Microsoft Corporation recently withdrew its support for a Washington State bill that would have made it illegal to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation.

The measure failed by one vote.

Microsoft is denying that a prominent evangelical church in Redmond, Washington, exerted any influence on their decision.

That, however, is not how Dr. Ken Hutcherson of the Antioch Bible Church sees it.

Hutcherson met twice recently with Microsoft officials, where he threatened to boycott Microsoft products if they did not change their position. "After that," Hutcherson told the New York Times, "they backed off."

Hutcherson then added, "I told them I was going to give them something to be afraid of Christians about."

Excuse me?

Mine is not the God of Fear, but the God of Hope. I believe in a Gospel of love, not intimidation.

Dr. Hutcherson is well within his rights to choose not to patronize companies with policies he considers objectionable. He is within his rights to encourage others to do the same.

But his entire ministry is called into question if he thinks people should be afraid of Christians. Fear is a tool of Darkness, not of Light.

Today's Guest Blog

Government Crippled By Politics

My Day

No, I am not making any of this up.

My current boss is out of town on business.

I arranged for a rental car to be delivered to his hotel this morning. It was late, so he was late to his first meeting.

He got lost on the way to the second meeting.

The third guy claimed he didn't know he was coming, even though I confirmed it yesterday.

American Airlines canceled his flight home.

Now that's cheap!

Someone at work wanted reimbursement for a $1.50 ATM surcharge incurred on a business trip.

Strolling Down Memory Lane

A recent post on Tony's blog inspired some nostalgic reminiscence on my end. Eleven years ago (dear GOD I'm old) I took a job at the gift shop at Lincoln Center. I, too, had my share of memorable customers. (I mean, hell, eleven years down the road I'm still complaining about them!)

• Impeccably well-dressed and coiffed elderly woman comes in and says, "I want a nice gift for my grandchildren. How much are these pencils?"
• "I'm looking for a ballet video for my granddaughter; what can you recommend?" I pointed to Swan Lake from the Kirov. "Doesn't the swan die in that? I don't think that's appropriate!"
• Guy comes in and says, "Do you gots any recawdings by Julio?" Julio who, I asked. "You don't know Julio? The greatest Italian tenor of all times? Where's your manager, you don't deserve to work here if you ain't never hoid of Julio." He meant Gigli, as in Beniamino.
• They warned me not to play any recordings we didn't have in stock. Nonetheless, I popped in Lakme. The famous flower duet came on, and I had a rush at the register of people demanding the recording, which we didn't have.
• I also unfortunately played a video of Parsifal on Yom Kippur.
• "Heya, I'm looking for a CD by the three guys, Domingo, Paparazzi and Caruso."
• An elegantly dressed woman comes in and makes a rather large purchase. She says to the chick at the register, "I get a 10% discount." Carla says, "You got Met ID?" The woman snorts and says, "I am Mrs. Domingo!" Carla says, "I don' care. No ID, no discoun'."
• "Do you have any recordings of Barber of Seville with Pavarotti?"
• Guy comes in, says, "I want a CD of good opera music, but I don't want any of that Wagner stuff, I don't like him." He pronounces 'Wagner' as in Lindsay or Robert.
• At the first intermission of Aida, a woman asks, "Do you have the recording of tonight's performance?"
• This one may not work on blog format, but I'll try. Imagine yourself a 19 year old innocent boy, recently arrived in New York from Oregon, where they pronounce the letter "r." Woman comes in and says, "You got common?" I thought for a brief second and said, "I'm sorry, common what?" She says, "Carmen, the opera!"
• My first day on the job, I'd been there all of ten minutes: woman walks up to me and says, "Do you have John Dexter's autobiography?" It was Beverly Sills.

Today's Guest Blog

It's Matt's World

An Intrinsic Moral Evil

So, there you have it, the new pope is Benedict XVI.

In some respects, I think people are overreacting to the choice. “He’s a Nazi!” exclaimed someone at work this morning, ignoring or unaware that membership in the Hitler Youth was mandatory and that the future pontiff was in fact drafted into the German army, from which he eventually deserted. “He’s just a corporate Pope,” commented another, meaning he was “promoted” because he’s been there forever. (Incidentally, I thought this was an odd, insightful comment, coming as it did from a senior investment banker.)

Many in the gay community are experiencing a collective shudder; we know he’s not a fan. But lumping him in with vitriolic homophobes of the Fred Phelps variety isn’t constructive to our cause, either. We must address him objectively, as we would have him address us.

To his credit, he wrote in 1986, “It is deplorable that homosexual persons have been and are the object of violent malice in speech or in action. Such treatment deserves condemnation…The intrinsic dignity of each person must always be respected.”

That concession of “intrinsic dignity” is a small plot of common ground from which we can begin to work. While it remains an echo of the emotionally abusive “love the sinner, hate the sin” doctrine of American evangelicalism, it’s still a comparatively moderate statement.

More recently, the former Cardinal commented, “To create a legal form of a kind of homosexual marriage, in reality, does not help these people.”

To my mind, the problem with this statement lies not with its opposition to gay marriage, but with the inclusion of the word “legal.” On the issue of marriage, religious beliefs should have no bearing on what is legal, and vice versa. A secular couple married in the United States by a judge counts as “married” in the eyes of the government, but not in the church. We will probably never get the Catholic Church to accept same-sex marriages as a sacramental rite, as a basic tenet of their belief is that sex is for the purpose of procreation. As a matter of civil rights, church approval on the issue of same-sex marriage is irrelevant. The Catholic Church disapproves of capital punishment now, but you don’t see the federal government scrambling to comply.

Most troubling was another comment he made in the same 1986 interview cited above, where he said, “Although the particular inclination of the homosexual person is not a sin, it is a more or less strong tendency ordered to an intrinsic moral evil, and thus the inclination itself must be seen as an objective disorder.”

That’s a tougher challenge.

Jesus said in the Gospel of John, “I am the way, the truth and the life.” We know our truths. We know that our identity was not chosen, but rather accepted. We know that what draws us is neither evil nor perversion nor base lust, but rather love as it is known in a universal manner. Do lust, evil and perversion exist? Certainly, and they are aberrations that know no sexual identity. Our own life experiences have taught us that feelings of profound love and commitment between people of the same gender are real and possible and valid. The side of truth is the side of God. We must trust the wisdom and boundless compassion of the Almighty, and trust also that in His time, in His way, he will reveal His truths to those who will listen.

No Comment

Operation Get Me Out of Finance 2: The Follow-Up

I think the second interview went very, very well! I feel good about it. (Though I think my reference to Austin Powers maybe sailed right over her head.)

They said they would let me know by the end of the week!

PS -- I sent a thank you after the first interview; should I do the same this time as well or is that overkill?

enough for one day

Eh, I didn't have time for two substantial posts today, but check out what I wrote for It's Matt's World.

For a Limited Time: Double Your Andy!

This week I am guest blogging for It's Matt's World while Matt takes an e-vacation. It's quite an honor! Be sure to check it out.

Tom DeLay, Feminist

"If you want to empower women in America, give 'em a gun."

-- April 16, 2005

Letter to Senator Frist

Senator Bill Frist
509 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510


Dear Senator Frist:

I am a Christian. I am also a Democrat. Is there a reason you think these two identities are somehow mutually exclusive?

I urge you to reconsider your participation in the April 24th telecast project being called “Justice Sunday,” the organizers of which dare to accuse the Democratic party of religious prejudice in blocking a handful of President Bush’s judicial nominees.

I support blocking these judges because, based on court decisions they have made and statements they have publicly issued, there is legitimate reason to believe that these individuals cannot fulfill their proper duty as impartial arbiters of the law.

Furthermore, as a United States Senator, I hope you realize that what qualifies America as a democracy is not simply majority rule, but also a complex and thoughtful system designed to protect the rights of minorities. To this end, the filibuster is an essential tool of a valid democracy, part of the mechanism of checks and balances that prevents tyranny of the majority. An independent and impartial judiciary is also an essential part of the Founding Fathers’ vision for America.

Faith should not be a political issue. In this country we have both freedom of religion and separation of church and state; those with beliefs different from yours – even those who choose not to subscribe to any particular faith or ideology – have equal rights, access and protection under the Constitution.

I pray and read the Bible for guidance on a daily basis. The lessons and values I take from Scripture far more closely align with the priorities of the Democratic Party than that of the Republican party today. In fact, the Democrats are not nearly as liberal as I would like for them to be.

No political party can claim to be the sole guardian of faith and morality. Furthermore, it is most certainly immoral to falsely accuse the Democrats of being anti-faith. You know full well the concerns Democrats have about these nominees, and it’s utterly disingenuous to allege wholesale prejudice. You might be able to fool some voters, but there’s Someone who knows exactly what’s going on.

Yours in Christ,

Andy

I am Not the Weakest Link

Second interview Tuesday at 9 a.m.!

You may post congratulatory comments and encouragement below.

Communication Problems

An homage to my favorite new website, Overheard in New York:

On the elevator at the 181st Street A train station tonight I overheard one of the more interesting conversations in recent memory. An old lady was haranguing and old man; she's kvetching at him in Russian, and he responds in English.

Woman: Akh, skoreye ubegu!
Man: Yes, yes, I know.
Woman: Davno uzh porabi.
Man: Yes, you told me the same thing yesterday.
Woman: Bolyat moyi skori nozhenki so pokhodushki.
Man: All right, but what do you want me to do about it?
Woman: Vi bolshe mnye ne drug!
Man: Bah.

Help...?

What the hell is this?

I mean, okay, it's Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld in a press conference with Afghan President Hamid Karzai. But what is that picture behind them, the national emblem of Afghanistan?

It looks like an enormous dead tree taking over the earth, with a Christmas ornament and an ear of corn hanging on it.

Then there's like a tree root coming through the ceiling or something, and something that resembles either a rock, a skull or a mortar shell embedded in the wall over the tree.

Meh. I don't like modern art.

Job Hunting is Like Dating

I think the interview went about as well as could be expected. I didn't say anything that I immediately regretted, such as, "Is the diet working?"

I smiled. I spoke with confidence about their work and the current political environment. I tried to flatter without sucking up. I tried to talk myself up without being arrogant. I did my best to let them know that I am very, very interested in this position, without coming across like I was begging.

I tried not to cry when they said they were seeing other people. I'm ready for commitment, here. I've got china patterns picked out and everything. I respect that they want to wait until after a second date.

I hope they call.

Bush's iPod

There was an interesting fluff piece in the Times today about the President's iPod. He's got 250 songs on it. Pfft. Amateur. I've got 3,264 and counting. (A new CD came out in Yo-Yo Ma's Silk Road Ensemble series; I highly recommend these recordings, they are really beautiful, exotic and thrilling.)

Is it a surprise that nothing on Bush's playlist is also on my iPod? (For the record, I do have some country on mine. Shocked?)

Best line in the article? "As for an analysis of Mr. Bush's playlist, Mr. Levy of Rolling Stone started out with this: "One thing that's interesting is that the president likes artists who don't like him."

I wonder if there's anything there by the Dixie Chicks.

This might also explain that bulge.

What's on your iPod?

Sunday Stroll

Sometimes, I really, really, really love living in Manhattan.

Today was one of those days. Not a cloud in the sky, 72 degrees, no humidity. The kind of day when all seems right with the world, and New York takes on a fairy-tale like quality usually reserved for Woody Allen films.

I took the subway downtown to find the location of my job interview on Tuesday; I don't know downtown so well and as it's first thing in the morning, I didn't want to get lost. Also I wanted to know how long a trip it was. Today, with no crowds and no problems, I did it door to door in 45 minutes, though I suspect rush hour will take at least an hour. After finding the address, I went for a little walk.

I started at the far eastern end of Wall Street, where I spent some time gazing across the glittering East River at the magnificent Brooklyn Bridge; then I headed up Wall Street to Broadway, and paused for a moment at the monument that marks the spot where George Washington was sworn in as the first President of the United States; I wondered what he thinks of that other George W. now running things. If only Bush II's motto was "I cannot tell a lie."

From there I headed north along Broadway past City Hall, west on Canal to West Broadway, meandered up through SoHo, turned north on Sixth Avenue at Spring Street, then west on Bleecker to Seventh Avenue, where I stopped to have my haircut at Freetime on Christopher Street. Then I walked back up Seventh Avenue to 23rd Street, west to Eighth Avenue, and then doubled back to 14th Street and hopped on the subway. Altogether it was probably about four miles.

Passing Thoughts

In a recent email, a close (and very Catholic) friend of mine wondered whether American conservative Protestants and Evangelicals were "holding their heads and screaming" that President Bush attended the funeral of Pope John Paul II.

I responded:

You know, honestly...I don't think too many of them are. At least none with any sense, although I realize that excludes probably hundreds of thousands.

My sense of most of the ultra-conservative Evangelicals is that they are not actually all that familiar with Scripture; hence the Christians in Colorado who referenced Leviticus when sentencing a man to death recently. Hello, Matthew chapter 5, people -- if you're a self-identified Christian, you might want to start with the Gospel first, sheesh. I don't think they are all that aware of and/or interested in real issues of doctrine, such as the presence of Christ in the sacraments, etc., etc., because their entire lives and minds seem consumed with a preoccupation with the sins of the flesh. On these matters which are so important to so many evangelicals, they found an ally in the Pope. I bet many of them are unaware that he called our Iraq war "immoral"; and if they are, I bet there's moral relativism going on. War = bad, gay marriage = much, much, much worse.

Though we are divided by differences in doctrine both great and small, and though criticism can quite fairly be lodged at John Paul II for his inability to do anything of substance with regard to the abuse crisis in America (and presumably elsewhere, where the cultural taboo is too strong to even address the subject) and for many of his unenlightened positions on sex and sexuality, I think everyone recognized that one thing he had was sincerity.

John Paul II was not a preening, self-important bag of hot air that held the Bible in one hand and used it to swat at people with whom he disagreed or groups of people he didn't like. He was humble and gentle, eloquent and considerate. Even when you disagree -- profoundly! -- it's hard not to find respect for someone with that kind of integrity.

And ultimately, isn't that what Christianity is really about? I'm not talking about the pope, I'm talking about our reaction to him. Christ would have us say, "Yeah, I really disagreed with him on this, this and this" but still have us celebrate his very meaningful life and in whatever appropriate way, mourn and celebrate his passing. (I loved it when I read that the crowd gathered in the square applauded loudly when it was announced that he had died; that's an Italian tradition. I want people to clap when I die.)

Requiescat in pace.

UPDATE: I think this would confirm my hypothesis.

Teamwork

Yesterday was not a particularly good day at work.

The boss called from the road in Massachusetts to yell at me because "my" directions were wrong. Hello, is my name Mapquest?

Anyway, that motivated me to re-think my movie rental plan and instead I sat down and went through job listings again. The first thing that came up was exactly the sort of thing I've been looking for. I drafted a cover letter and sent it off to a couple of friends who were online to get their thoughts.

I got lots of thoughts.

Four hours later we christened it "the Joan Rivers letter," because after so much work it was unrecognizable.

So: a big, big, big, big thank you to Jon, JP, Andrew, Alexandro, Kevin, John, Stephanie, Toby and Mom. (I hope I didn't leave anyone out.) I really, really appreciate the time you took to help me out -- let me know how I can return the favor. You guys rock.

The interview is Tuesday at 9.

The Third Commandment

This morning some drowsy thug on the A train dropped an open bottle of grape soda into my lap. Who drinks grape soda at 8:00 a.m.?

I confess, I took the Lord's name in vain. Loudly.

He did not apologize, nor did he look like the kind of person I should press for an address to send my cleaning bill to.

Please post your cleaning suggestions below.

What are you implying?

I received the following email at work this morning from an administrator:

To: Mary Jean, Therese, Andy, Maggie, Yvonne
From: Julie

Hello ladies,

Is there an office available for John tomorrow?


Thanks,
Julie

I'm Not a Jew, But I Play One on TV

One of the many unique aspects of life in New York City is that someone, somewhere is always filming a tv show or a movie. The most ubiquitous is, by far, Law & Order. Go to any show on or off Broadway, and a guaranteed majority of the actors will list an L&O appearance in their credits.

So this morning the street in front of my apartment has been blocked off for filming, and giant dressing room trailers and catering vans lined the curbs. A group of Hasidic Jews was standing right in front of my building watching the proceedings.

As I passed them on my way to the subway, I thought...my goodness, some of those guys are really cute under all that hair, they would clean up nice. I turned around to get a second, final look, just as one guy was removing his hat.

The curls were attached to the hat.

My New Favorite Word

Untelligent.

My iPod's Favorite Songs

Having recently become a fan of Battlestar Galactica, I have developed a healthy suspicion of machines. I am worried that my iPod is thinking for itself.

I always listen to the thing in shuffle mode. Every time you upload new music or edit a playlist it resets. Now, I have 3,264 songs in my iPod, so the probability of hearing a song more than once in a short space of time is low. Yet certain songs come up with disturbing frequency, such as Pet Shop Boys' "DJ Culture," Maria Callas' first recording of the Lucia mad scene, and "Der Musensohn" sung by Bryn Terfel. Even though I've only got one Ute Lemper CD in the mix, I get an average of two Lemper songs a day.

Also my iPod apparently does not like Dolly Parton at all.

Should I be concerned?

Stop Asking Me When I Find Out About the Job

I withdrew my application this morning.

What!?!?!?!!??!?! Are you NUTS!?!?!?!?!!?!

No. Well, maybe a little. But it was a carefully considered decision. Look, I know I need the money, the benefits were great, and the insurance part was crucial. (I'm officially uninsured as of tomorrow.) But there have been a number of little red flags about this job. Yesterday there were not only flags, but bells, sirens and flashing signs that said, "RUN AWAY."

I won't go into details, but it became apparent yesterday that the boss is not a trustworthy person. I had heard as much from other people here, but now I've seen it for myself, and I didn't appreciate it. This job is really hard, lots of work, and definitely requires overtime hours. I'm willing to do the hard work, even on something I'm not interested in -- hey, I did apply and I've been here a month -- but in order to sustain that energy and dedication over any period of time, I've got to at least be able to trust the boss.

I was super-stressed out when I got home last night because I was quite angry. I did some yoga, I meditated, I prayed, I took a hot bath, I talked to my mom, I emailed my dad...and all were in agreement that, financial issues aside, it was better to back out before I got stuck here.

When I arrived this morning, the other secretaries were gathered around the xerox machine drinking coffee and gossiping.

"Hey, you look kinda stressed out," said T.

"Yeah, I didn't sleep well last night, " I said.

"Oh, well, if it's about yesterday, don't worry about it. He does stuff like that all the time. You can't take it personally." Then the secretaries began to regale me with stories about things he's done to his previous assistants. (He's had four in two years.)

So...if there was any doubt on my part -- and there was -- that little conversation cemented it. I know some of my friends will think I'm CRAZY to turn down a job with this kind of compensation, but to my way of thinking, what's truly crazy is taking a job when you know there's a big huge problem.

Verdict: Guilty. Charge: Didn’t Read the Whole Book

The Colorado Supreme Court upheld a ruling by a lower court yesterday that a death sentence leveled against a convicted murderer must be thrown out because the jurors consulted the Bible during deliberations.

The court considered it “improper reliance on an outside authority.”

No doubt, Christian conservatives will point to yet another instance of America’s activist liberal judiciary working to diminish the influence of faith in our country.

But that’s not even remotely where the outrage should be directed. One of the jurors testified that she referred to Leviticus chapter 24 while deciding on the verdict. Verse 17 says, “If anyone takes the life of a human being, he must be put to death.” Verse 20 contains the famous phrase, “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” That, as the saying goes, leaves the whole world blind and toothless. (The juror was not Jewish; for the record, the New York Times says she also consulted the book of Romans but did not specify which part.)

No, Christians should be appalled by the blasphemy. What other word could you use to describe an act of direct defiance of Jesus Christ?

I refer you to Matthew 5:38-39: “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth,’ but I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.”

Jesus has clearly invalidated Leviticus 24:17. This doesn’t mean that we just let murderers go free. We have a right to separate dangerous people from civil society to protect ourselves and others. But Jesus expressly forbids vengeance and retaliation for crimes. We are not allowed to answer one crime with another.

Interview

So I had a video conference interview today with two people in the San Francisco office with whom I’d be working closely if I were to go permanent in my current temp job. It went pretty well, I’d say; interviews don’t intimidate me very much, probably because I’ve done so many auditions and those are SO much harder. Plus, with this I really don’t care – that makes it very easy.

I stumbled a bit at the question, “So, why do you want to work for Joe Schmoe Partners?” Hell, I don’t even know what they do.

They also asked, since my background is entirely in music, if I would feel intimidated by the investment banking scene. “No,” I responded, sounding perhaps a bit too unimpressed.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

My other work related-story for the day: this guy calls for my boss, who was out today. I take down his name and number and then he asks for mine.

“Irish boy?”

“No, Scottish.”

“Oh. My family lived on the border of Scotland and Ireland.”

Umm…yeah, okay...

How to Tell Time on Your iPod

A trip on the A train between 59th Streets and 125th Streets usually takes about 10 minutes, or one “Tu che le vanità.”

The ride uptown tonight was so slow it took the entire mad scene from Lucia di Lammermoor, Largo al factotum, and half of Berlioz’ “La mort d’Ophélie.”

When Friends Give Up on You for Lent

I gave up alcohol for Lent.

As I am a frequent social drinker, this change in my behavior was hard to hide from my friends. Why would I hide that, you ask? Was I embarrassed? No. The reason is that Jesus taught us, “When ye fast, be not as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, they have their reward. But thou, when thou fastest, anoint thine head, and wash thy face, that thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly.” (Matthew 6:16-18)

Since my friends won’t buy “Oh, I don’t feel like drinking tonight” for six weeks, I decided the best policy was just to be honest about my abstention but try not to make a big deal of it. Some friends were more supportive than others.

Few of my friends are people of faith, so it’s only natural they have questions. I explained that, as a Protestant, Lenten fasts are not required but rather a symbolic tradition; by giving up something trivial for a period of time, we are able to remind ourselves of Christ’s much greater sacrifice. But many of the questions that were posed were mocking in tone; one person even said, “You’re wasting your time.”

“Jesus doesn’t care if you drink or not,” said another. They all want to know exactly what time tomorrow I can start drinking again, as if God is up there with a stopwatch.

Today I saw a woman wearing a t-shirt that said, “Beware Christianity.”

How is it that among intelligent, well-educated, urban Americans, it’s socially acceptable to ridicule someone’s deepest, most personal beliefs?

It’s a question that has been in my head for the last forty days or so.

The answer is that many of American Christianity’s public faces have turned our faith into a joke.

Public Face Number One would have to be George W. Bush: a man who publicly and repeatedly accused a foreign government of an atrocity it did not commit, while his administration was largely made up of people from a previous administration who failed to act when real atrocities were taking place. He accused this government of possessing and manufacturing weapons it no longer had, and took our nation to war on a demonstrably false premise, which he has neither confessed nor apologized for. Indeed, when challenged on the issue he is proud and defiant, and maintains that no mistakes have been made.

He is a man whose faith-based priorities include banning gay marriage and cutting short a vacation to sign an unconstitutional law, but somehow don’t include banning the sale of guns to known terrorists or cutting short a vacation to investigate urgent warnings of imminent attacks. He says his faith guides him, as he pays for tax cuts for the ultra-wealthy by cutting funding for programs for the poor. Saying that we must always err on the side of life, he executes the mentally retarded.

Senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania is actually worried about “man on dog” sex, and, apparently without irony, warned that gay marriage would lead to polygamy, even though it was a common Biblical practice.

Proclaiming his innocence, Tom DeLay weakens congressional rules on ethics.

James Dobson warns Congress about SpongeBob Squarepants.

Catholic bishops move to deny the Eucharist from John Kerry during his presidential campaign because of his stance on abortion; no move to withhold the sacrament from people who support George Bush’s war, which the Pope said was immoral. A Vatican official warns that The DaVinci Code is full of lies.

And recently, self-identified Christians have taken up the cause of Terri Schiavo, accusing the judge in the case of “judicial homicide” and threatening to kill him, again, without apparently seeing any irony.

Christian America, wake up. Stop thumping on your Bible, and open it up. Read it. Ask yourselves if your leaders know what’s in there. Being a Christian is hard. You are required to love your enemies; you are required to be generous; you are required to forgive; you are forbidden to judge. Take up that challenge.

Secular America, wake up. Many of the values you hold dear for yourselves are contained in the Gospel. Don’t mock what you don’t understand and haven’t bothered to learn about.

It is finished

Well, it took me almost a month, but it's done.

I have finally finished putting my CD collection into my iPod. Not the whole collection, mind you, just the songs I like.

I've got 3,264 songs on it. ("Song" is an inaccurate term, as my iPod's repertoire spans everything from medieval troubadour chansons and Gregorian chant to Indian ragas, Beethoven symphonies, Brahms sonatas, Bellini cabalettas, Elvis Presley and Cher.) If I were to just let it play until it ran out of music, it would take ten days, eight hours and twenty-four minutes.

And I still have almost 6 GB of space on the thing.

On This Day in Middle Earth

The Host is attacked by the forces of Morannon.
Frodo and Sam reach The Cracks of Doom; Gollum seizes the Ring and falls.
Downfall of Barad-Dur and the passing of Sauron.

On This Day in Middle Earth

Frodo and Sam reach the slopes of Mount Doom.
The Host reaches The Black Gate.

Flip Flop King

I invite you to think back to those heady days in the fall of 2004 when it was possible to believe that John Kerry might just squeak out an electoral victory over George Bush. In the debates between the two candidates, Bush constantly talked up his consistency while accusing Kerry of changing positions.

Bush argued -- apparently effectively -- that in this time of crisis, a leader who strikes a position and sticks with it to the bitter end is the one best suited to govern. He talked about having the strength of his convictions. It didn't matter, I guess, that he had famously reversed himself on numerous issues and that Kerry was, in fact, the more consistent politician. (It didn't help that Kerry was pathologically inept at defining his stances.)

Commentator James Ridgeway wrote in this week's Village Voice, "Attorneys in Texas claimed that Bush, while governor, had signed a law that would have indeed permitted removal of a feeding tube in situations similar to Schiavo's. If so, that would make Bush look like the most cynical of politicians. "

Well, James, here it is:

166.039. (a) If an adult qualified patient has not executed or issued a directive and is incompetent or otherwise mentally or physically incapable of communication, the attending physician and the patient's legal guardian or an agent under a medical power of attorney may make a treatment decision that may include a decision to withhold or withdraw life-sustaining treatment from the patient.

On This Day in Middle Earth

The Host passes out of Ithilien; Aragorn dismisses the faint-hearted.
Frodo and Sam cast away their arms and gear.

Things to Ponder

Letters to the Editor published in today's New York Times are among the very best I have ever read. What an incredibly complex issue this is! Here are some of the more profound sentiments:

• She has a family willing and able to care for her, she is in no physical pain, and we have no way of knowing what she would choose for herself.
  What harm is done by letting her parents care for her, and whose rights are we talking about? The right to die is one thing; the right to have one's spouse pull the plug is quite another.
• Thus, a woman is permitted to die because the system could not prove that she wanted to live. Shouldn't it be the other way around?
• Three and a half years ago, the president received a memo warning of a noted terrorist's determination to attack America within its borders. He remained in Crawford, Tex., and did nothing.
  But to sign cobbled-together legislation to interfere in a matter that should have remained a personal family tragedy and to appeal to his religious political base, the president flew to Washington immediately.
• The only person qualified to make a decision in this tragic situation is her husband. So much for the sanctity of marriage.
• Removing her feeding tube so that she dies a slow death through starvation and dehydration - this, supposedly in the name of mercy - is intensely brutal and barbaric.
• It is an accepted medical practice to withhold tube feedings and intravenous fluids from terminally ill cancer patients. In 23 years of oncology practice, I cannot recall a patient whose suffering was increased by withholding tube feedings and intravenous fluids. In these cases, patients generally die from renal failure, which is perceived to be a painless way to die.

Only an Hour Late on the Day I Apply for the Job

Thank you, New York City Transit.

Okay, it wasn't really their fault. I haven't had to blog about my commute in a while, so I guess I'll count my blessings.

I was totally on time this morning -- even had enough extra to walk in the bright, mild morning spring sunshine from Columbus Circle to the office.

And then we stopped in the tunnel at 72nd Street. "Ladies and gentlemen, due to a police investigation, we are being held at this time."

Five minutes go by. Ten. Fifteen. "Ladies and gentlemen, due to a police investigation, we are being held by supervision, please be patient." Twenty. Thirty.

Slooooowwwwwly we roll into the station. The platform is swarming with police officers.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are unable to open the doors until we get permission from the police."

This being New York, the passengers who've now been delayed half an hour on a crowded train (memo to self: offer sacrifice to the gods of public transportation for granting me a seat this morning), begin to talk.

"This shit is fucked UP, yo!"

Cops are circling our train like blue sharks on a dying whale.

One woman pounds on the subway door. "ExCUSE me, can someone tell us what is going ON, please?" The cop says, "Looking for someone."

A D train lumbers in on the local track. After a few moments, the doors open, passengers come and go, and it rolls out.

"Aw, come ON!"

"Why they let those people go, we been sittin' here for forty damn minutes!"

Says a distinguished-looking gentleman in a low voice, "Because whoever they're looking for is on our train."

Silence.

"Okay, listen up, y'all. If you be the killer, you better just give yo'sef UP, because I am LATE, you hear? You surrender or imagonna beat cho ass!"

"Mommy, is there a killer on the train?" Little girl starts go cry.

"Okay, can we watch our language, please? There's children present. We don't know it's a killer."

"It could be a terrorist."

"Mommy, a terrorist!" (wails)

"Thanks, that was a big help."

"Maybe it's Ken Lay."

Within a few moments the doors opened. No further information was given other than there would be no downtown train service at this time. So I got my walk from Columbus Circle after all.

On This Day in Middle Earth

Third assault on Lorien.
Frodo and Sam leave the road and turn south to Mount Doom.

Job Search Update

Thanks to everyone who gave such good advice on the post below.

I met with HR today and I think it went well. The salary and benefits package was more than I was expecting. That still doesn't make me love the job, but as I said, I had a price in mind, and they named it. I asked for a day or so to think about it, which they said was okay.

I still need to consult with a couple of advisors (um, Mom, Dad, the dog) but I will probably let them know tomorrow that I would like to be considered. They are still interviewing other candidates, so it's not an "offer" as yet. The advantage is mine, though, I would guess; they already know I can do the job, and they don't have to train me.

This office is just two blocks away from a beautiful chuch, St. Thomas Episcopal, that I stumbled upon during my first visit to New York back in August of 1993; at that time I had come to audition for the Manhattan School of Music, but wasn't at all sure that this radical uprooting of my life and plans was what I wanted. After my audition I spent time in prayer at the church, and felt that the answer was just to see what the outcome was: if I was accepted, I should go. If not, well...no worries, then.

So I went back there today. I have struggled long and hard for years to avoid doing exactly what I'd be doing here, but I find myself in a situation of need. Once again, the answer came back to just step forward and present myself for the opportunity, and trust God that the outcome will be the right one. It always has been before.

HELLO, SPRING!: On this, the first full day of Spring (though...someone forgot to tell the Dude in Charge of Weather for NY) I thought I'd say TFN to Winter 2004-05 with this nice shot of me and some friends frolicking in the snow. L-R is yours truly with pals Jesse and Audrey and Jesse's friend...umm...I forgot. Audrey and Jesse and I are all old friends from Beaverton, Oregon, but we grew up to be fabulous anyway. 

On This Day in Middle Earth

The Host of the West marches from Minas Tirith.
Frodo comes in sight of the Isenmouthe and is overtaken by Orcs.

TRUTH IN ADVERTISING: My friend Audrey discovered this store in lower Manhattan during a recent visit. Don't you wish every company were this honest? 

On This Day in Middle Earth

The Host comes to Morgul Vale.
Frodo and Sam find the road to Barad-Dur.

Open Forum

I have an appointment Monday to speak with HR at the current temp job to explore the possibility of going permanent. I welcome your advice.

Volunteers Needed

Oh, those wacky Virginians are at it again. First it was anti-gay vanity license plates -- your first line of defense against accidental fellatio -- and now it's a whole gaggle of bizarre legislation including a ban on gay adoption.

The bill states, "No person under this statute may adopt if that person is a homosexual" and requires that the circuit court inquire as to whether the potential parents "engage in current voluntary homosexual activity."

Voluntary homosexual activity? As opposed to involuntary, you ask? Yes. See fellatio, accidental.

The best part is, the circuit court is required to ask. "Are you or are you not currently engaging in voluntary homosexual activity?"

I guess the correct answer would be, "No, your honor, I'm standing here in your court room while you waste my time and publicly insult my integrity as part of a state-sanctioned anti-gay witch hunt, by which means you intend to deprive me of my civil rights."

Thank You For Feeling Our Pain

Former First Lady Barbara Bush got into the Social Security act today in Pensacola, Florida. According to the A.P., Mrs. Bush had this to say, appearing with her sons George W. and Jeb:

"I'm here because your father and I have 17 grandchildren -- all born after 1950 -- and we want to know is someone going to do something about it," she said, referring to Social Security.

Give me a freakin' break. Like anyone in the Bush family is going to find themselves reliant on Social Security. I mean, the whole thrust behind the idea of personal accounts is that people should be responsible for their own retirements, right? Well, hello, if Barbara Freakin' Bush is so concerned about her grandchildren, she should set up a trust fund or refer them to an investment banker. I'm sure she knows a few.

Now, bloggers, here's where we do our job. The President went on to say this: "A mix of conservative bonds and stocks will get you a better rate of return on your money than that which you're going to get inside the government." (Emphasis mine.)

There you go. That's a lie, plain and simple. Is it possible that retirees could do better under a private account plan? Yes. Is it a guarantee? No. But the President just said, unequivocably, that you will do better with private accounts.

He also fails to mention, of course, that privatization does not address the social security shortfall, and he conveniently leaves out that his idea costs trillions more than a tax increase aimed at fully-funding the program.

Bowling Pin-yasa

I got in touch with my inner straight man last night at a bowling alley in Greenwich Village.

It had been a long, boring day at my job and I was feeling somewhat drained. After work I raced home to eat something, shower and change clothes and hoped that I’d find the energy to stay awake and be polite for at least a couple of hours at my friend’s birthday event. I didn’t really plan on bowling myself; I was so tired I wasn’t sure I could even a lift a ball, and the joys of public humiliation are fairly limited.

Bowling seems to be the recreation of choice for the “King of Queens” demographic, so I was also feeling cautious about hanging out in such a testosterone-heavy environment, especially on St. Patrick’s Day, when perhaps some of the patrons had been drinking for hours. Nothing quite shouts “screaming queen” like prancing down the lane and awkwardly tossing the ball into the gutter.

Well, I had a blast. I decided I needed to bowl at least one game for form’s sake (you don’t go to a bowling party and just sit there, right?), but I surprised myself. Not only did I bowl 113 my first time, I won.

My second game was a little off; I only got to 89 after I unfortunately suffered through a frame where I guttered twice. The third game was quite exciting; I developed a knack for picking up awkward spares and was well ahead of the pack until this girl came from behind with a strike and a spare and edged past me by two pins in the final frame. Bitch. But losing 112-110 isn’t so bad.

Now, this might sound kind of, oh, I don’t know, queer, but I actually used yoga in my game. I found that taking a moment to stand in tadasana, or mountain pose, and taking a good long inhale through the nose helped to block out distractions, calm the body and focus the mind. Then, as with ashtanga, coordination of breathing with physical movement proved crucial: inhale through the nose long and slow, and exhale the ball down the lane. Also, never take your eye off the pin you want to hit. Forget those silly arrows on the floor and don’t watch the ball, just the pin.

Finally, I found that releasing the ball as fluidly and gently as I could garnered the best results. Any time I tried to put “strength” into it, it would go off course and end up in the gutter. I think there’s a lesson to be learned there.

Altogether I bowled three games and finished up around 11:00. Far from being exhausted, I felt exhilarated and could easily have stayed for more. We also had a good time looking over the alley’s impressive collection of autographed bowling pins: Monica Lewinsky’s was greeted with the appropriate reverence, but I’m afraid we failed to summon anything but derision for Star Jones. Everyone else’s autograph basically read “thanks had a great time” or something like that. Star’s said, “Enjoy the View!” View this, Star.

The Saga of Terri

This afternoon, the U.S. House of Representatives stepped in to introduce legislation to delay the removal of Terri's feeding tube.

I won't go into the core issue itself because I have conflicting opinions on the matter, and anything I could say would just open myself up to criticism from both sides.

However, I have to say that I am most concerned about this latest development. The Republican party has always been a leading voice for states' rights; twice now federal courts have rejected appeals on this issue, ruling that this matter belongs to Florida and Florida alone. The new legislation aims to give Terri's parents legal standing in a federal court.

It seems the Republican party has a more nuanced stance on the role of the federal government than they like to let on. Apparently government has no right to regulate business, no right to collect taxes, no responsibility to protect the environment or any authority to regulate gun ownership. But when it comes to your personal life, it's the individual who has no rights and the government which has full authority.

Worse, there is now reason to suspect that our favorite bait-and-switch hypocrites in the House are taking advantage of Terri's tragic circumstances to force upon this nation legislation that advances their agenda of eliminating civil rights.

The New York Times reports that Rep. Jerrold Nadler of New York criticized the legislation and called it "a dangerously reckless way to deal with some serious issues.''

"It does not deal just with feeding tubes. It would allow intervention in any decision affecting any kind of medical care. Read the bill,'' Nadler said.

Terrific. Republicans will claim they are just protecting the sanctity of life, and they've framed the debate in terms of Terri and Terri alone; anyone who tries to oppose the legislation will therefore be forced to vote "against Terri" and will surely be lambasted for doing so. Meanwhile, your right to determine medical care and course of treatment for yourself or for loved ones is about to be taken away. The advice of doctors and experts will be officially rendered irrelevant.

Cognitive Dissonance, Anyone?

So the Times reports this morning that the judge in the Terri Schiavo case has been receiving death threats.

"The case has made him a target of religious conservatives and others who object to ending any life prematurely," says the paper.

Ummm...?

On This Day in Middle Earth

Battle of Dale, in which Brand and Dain fall.
Shagrat brings Frodo's cloak, mithril-coat and Sam's sword to Barad-Dur.

Buh-Bye, Bernard

At the risk of indulging in Schadenfreude, let me say I'm delighted with yesterday's conviction of Bernard Ebbers, the former CEO of WorldCom.

His defense that he was unaware of the accounting shenanigans that resulted in an $11 billion fraud, that his role was more of a "cheerleader," was ludicrous; all the more so if it was true.

What part of Chief Executive Officer don't you understand, Bernie? You signed off on the reports your CFO Scott Sullivan gave you. Either you approved what was being done, or you simply weren't doing your job. Gross incompetence on that scale is also a fraud. If all that's required to be CEO of a global communications corporation is to be a cheerful, motivational-type person, well...let me know where to send my resume.

The saddest thing is, Bernie and all the other fools like him from Enron to MCI and TYCO would have been millionaires or billionaires had they engaged in honest accounting. Those companies still would have turned enormous profits. But no, that wasn't enough. They had to fudge the numbers, hide this, shift that, in an obscene orgy of greed.

Ken Lay: You're next.

On This Day in Middle Earth

Aragorn, Gandalf, Eomer and Imrahil debate.

* * * * * * * * * *

Today's is a special Middle Earth post. As my long-time readers know, this blog takes its name from the above event, which occurs in Chapter 9 of The Return of the King, entitled "The Last Debate." Read my suggested re-write of this scene from the film!

What a Scoop!

Definition of a New York Post "Exclusive": something so stupid no one else will waste paper on it, let alone a front page.

OSAMA'S N.Y. BEAUTY

Coming tomorrow: John Wilkes Boothe's great grand-niece alive and well and living in a trailer park in Davenport, Iowa!

Get Over It!

The New York Times today carries an article on little things that bug people and the "inventive" methods they create to exact some toll of vengeance.

One person interviewed is bothered with the way Starbucks refers to the sizes of their drinks as "tall," "grande" and "venti." He would prefer small, medium and large. He insists on ordering a "medium."

Fine. Here's my Starbucks pet-peeve. People who can't properly pronounce venti aren't worthy enough to even patronize Starbucks. Venti, with a long, closed "e" vowel (pronounced, VAYN-tee) means "20," as in, the number of ounces in that particular size. Venti, with a short, open "e" (like a heater "vent-ee") means "winds." So I'm just going to start blowing on the next person I hear who orders winds. Puff, puff. There you go.

Let's not even talk about the people who ask for a "ven-tay." They should be sterilized.

On This Day in Middle Earth

The Gates of Minas Tirith are broken; Denethor burns himself alive.

The horns of the Rohirrim are heard; the Battle of the Pelennor; Theoden is killed. Aragorn raises the standard of Arwen.

Frodo and Sam escape north along the Morgai.

Thranduil defeats the Orcs of Dol Guldur; Lorien is assaulted a second time.

A Word About Activist Judges

I have a feeling we are about to be bombarded ad nauseum, again, from right-wing talking heads on the airwaves and in print with the phrase "activist judges."

A Superior Court judge in California, Richard Kramer, ruled this afternoon that California's ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional.

It's not the end of the road for this battle, that's for sure. It will certainly be appealed to the state supreme court, and groups are trying to get a measure on November's ballot which would give voters a chance to establish a ban, as 13 other states did last year.

Judge Kramer wrote, "It appears that no rational purpose exists for limiting marriage in this state to opposite-sex partners." Well, no rational purpose unless you're one of those worried about survival of the species.

Yet I have no doubt that conservative pundits will be outraged over this latest example of judicial overreach. Right-wingers are just big into "traditional" marriage -- heck, Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh are such staunch supporters, they've tied the knot three times each -- and some of them go so far as to claim that "redefining" marriage will result in the collapse of civilization.

Of course, by "traditional" we're referring to the millennia-old practice of bartering adolescent or pre-pubescent girls as property to be traded in financial and/or political contracts. But never mind.

What is an "activist judge"? This case was brought before the court system, assigned to Judge Kramer and tried, and he retired to ponder the arguments and evidence presented, and then rendered a verdict. Isn't that a judge's job?

If you're a right-wing nutcase, an "activist judge" is any judge who reaches a verdict with which you disagree, despite overwhelming evidence, logic, morality or plain common sense.

If you're a clear-thinking, rational person (aka "progressive" or "liberal"), an "activist judge" would be someone with a demonstrable, ex-curia track record of advocating certain ideas or agendas and a habit of reaching verdicts that support those same ideas. For example:

President Bush has renominated William G. Myers III to the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals. (He got blocked last time.) His resume consists largely of lobbying for mining, timber and oil companies and he once compared government management of federal lands to the tyranny of King George III. (Which was nothing in comparison with King George Bush II.)

Re-nominee Janice Brown of California called The New Deal the "triumph of [America's] socialist revolution" and has criticized worker health and safety laws as infringements on the rights of business.

Re-nominee Claude Allen is reponsible for removing language about condoms from the CDC website.

And then there's Priscilla Owen of Texas. She was once admonished by Alberto Gonzales, of all people, for "an unconscionable act of judicial activism."

When someone who authorized torture said you did something "unconscionable," you KNOW you crossed a line.

So hurray for Judge Kramer, whose verdict clearly reflects the intent of the equal protection clause. It's a sad state of affairs when a legal opinion based squarely upon one of the great principles of democracy -- that everyone is equal in the eyes of the government -- is denounced as an act of radical fringe activism.

Living the Gospel

Preach the Gospel every day. Use words if necessary. -- St. Francis

Hurray for the courageous Ashley Smith of Atlanta, who was taken hostage by quadruple-murderer Brian Nichols.

St. Matthew recorded that Christ taught, "Do not resist one who is evil. But if any one strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also; and if any one would sue you and take your coat, let him have your cloak as well; and if any one forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles." (Matthew 5:39-41)

In the wee hours of Saturday morning, Nichols confronted Smith in the parking lot of her apartment complex and forced his way into her apartment at gunpoint, where he tied her up.

While she was being held hostage, she read to him from the Bible. "God led him to me to tell him that he had hurt a lot of people," Smith said. She advised him to turn himself in, and then made him a pancake breakfast, which "overwhelmed" him. Having gained his trust, he allowed her to leave to visit her young daughter and even gave her some money.

"You need to go to prison and share the word of God with all the prisoners there," Smith told him.

Well done.

On This Day in Middle Earth

Samwise finds Frodo in the Tower.
Minas Tirith is besieged.
The Rohirrim, led by the wild men, come to the Grey Wood.

What a difference an S makes

Anyone else ever done this?

I was just sitting down on a quiet Sunday afternoon to go through the new job listings on Craigslist. Unfortunately I was careless and typed in www.craiglist.com. Ooops. Not what I was looking for!

On This Day in Middle Earth

Frodo and Sam attacked by Shelob; Sam takes the Ring, Frodo is captured by the Orcs of Cirith Ungol.

The Pelennor is overrun, and Faramir is wounded. Aragorn reaches Pelargir and captures the fleet. Theoden reaches Druadan Forest.

Uncensored News from Beirut

One of the most interesting blogs I've come across is Matthew in Beirut; he's an American working for the U.N. in Lebanon, and of course right now there's major international news coming out of that country. If you're at all interested in current events, I highly recommend checking out his blog for a first-person on-the-ground look at life in Beirut right now.

Just today he posted news about the murder of a Syrian merchant.

I Can't, I have a Cialis-Induced Headache

When I went next door to get coffee this morning, they had the TV on and there was an ad for Cialis running. It made me not want to have TV, ever.

"Cialis allows me to be the man my wife depends on -- for up to thirty-six hours!"

On a friend's blog recently I complained about the pharmaceutical industry; this is exactly what I was talking about.

The President and his allies are working hard (umm...no pun intended, really) to "strengthen" marriage by preventing more people from getting married. They're also doing their best to censor everything within their grasp to make entertainment conform to their neo-Puritan "values." Yet they let the pharmaceutical industry -- one of their most important donors -- get away with promoting this patently offensive sexist crap on the air.

It's not offensive because they're talking about sex or even erectile dysfunction. When you have a man in a television commercial say, "Cialis allows me to be the man my wife depends on," it's clear that what she "depends" on is a hard cock, and without a stiffy, you're not a man. Without that boner, you're just not fulfilling her needs and your marriage is in jeopardy. She doesn't need you to help support the family financially, she doesn't need you to remember birthdays or anniversaries or even to pick up that gallon of milk on your way home. She doesn't need you to take out the garbage or fetch her mother from the airport. She doesn't need your love and emotional support: all of that is meaningless without an erection, apparently.

Problems with your marriage? Ask your doctor if Cialis is right for you, and your problems will go away. For up to thirty-six hours!

At the end of the commercial, they cut to a different man's voice at a lower volume and more rapid speed who rattles off a statement they're required to share but hope you don't hear: "Side effects may include headache, nausea, indigestion and back pain."

So you've got an erection, but you've also got a headache, you're gassy, you feel like you're gonna barf and you've got back and muscle pain. Yeah, that'll be a great lay.

On This Day in Middle Earth

Gollum leads Frodo and Sam into Shelob's lair.
Faramir retreats to the Causeway Forts.
Theoden camps under Minrimmon.
Aragorn drives the enemy toward Pelargir.
The Ents defeat the invaders of Rohan.

Speaker Phones Suck

Currently the guy in the office next to my cubicle has his door open with a conference call on speaker phone on full volume.

The office is empty.

On This Day in Middle Earth

Gollum visits Shelob, but seeing Frodo asleep nearly repents.

Denethor sends Faramir to Osgiliath. Aragorn reaches Linhir and crosses in Lebennin. Eastern Rohan is invaded from the North. First assault on Lorien.

On This Day in Middle Earth

Dawnless Day. The Muster of Rohan: the Rohirrim ride from Harrowdale. Faramir rescued by Gandalf outside the gates of the City. Aragorn crosses Ringlo. An army from Morannon takes Cair Andros and passes into Anorien. Frodo passes the crossroads, and sees the Morgul-host set forth.

Syria's Questions

Okay...well, looks like things in Lebanon might not quite be going the direction we thought after Hariri's assassination and the resignation of the pro-Syrian government. It seems that the pro-Syrian demonstrations absolutely dwarfed the opposition. The photo on the front page of the New York Times had a picture of the march which conveniently featured placards written in English for the western media. Among the many captured in the camera's frame was one that said "Thank You, Syria!" and "America is the Real Terrorist."

In response, President Bush said, "All the world is witnessing your great movement of conscience."

I know he doesn't read the papers, but maybe his advisors want to clue him in that Lebanon's conscience seems to not be moving at all.

Which brings me to the following questions:

1. How does Bush feel about democracy in Lebanon if a clear majority of Lebanese support the current relationship with Syria?
   
2. How is Syria's occupation of Lebanon really that different from our occupation of Iraq? You have to admit, Beirut is looking a lot better than it did twenty years ago.
   
3. Why is no one in the Bush administration calling for the return of parts of Lebanon occupied by Israel?

On This Day in Middle Earth

Gandalf and Pippin arrive in Minas Tirith.

Faramir leaves Henneth Annun. Aragorn leaves Erech and comes to Calembel.
At dusk Frodo reaches the Morgul Road.

Theoden comes to Dunharrow. Darkness begins to flow out of Mordor.

Bad Dream

So I had this dream last night that I cut off my left thumb. Here's what the folks at Swoon had to say about that:

• A lost (or missing) finger predicts legal troubles concerning money matters.
  
• If, in your dream, you were specifically aware that the finger involved was a left-hand one, you are being warned that any illicit affair (whether business or love) could have a very unpleasant backlash.

Great.

On This Day in Andy's World

So sorry, I've been suffering from blogus inactivus for days now. I've just started a new temp position where I'm actually kept busy throughout the day. Worse, their network blocks web access to AOL, so I can't check email. It's like being in prison, except I have a fabulous 16-story view up and down Park Avenue at 54th Street. The girl in the cubicle next to me is from my hometown of Beaverton, Oregon, but she went to Aloha High School, which explains so much.
I'm only temporarily sitting by her, because the person I'll be replacing is still there, and I'll take over her spot on Friday. But this Aloha HS chick thinks I'm her assistant now by virtue of proximity, even though she already has one. Today she asked me to make 30 copies of a document and paper clip them. "Paper clip them?" I asked. "Yes," she said. So I did that and then gave them to her and she said, "You know what? Maybe these should be stapled."

Tomorrow I'm pointing out that her assistant is that blond chick by the ficus.

Anyway, in addition to being deprived of checking email, I only barely had time to glance at news headlines. So here's what's been going on in the past couple of days:

Congress is poised to pass sweeping new bankruptcy legislation that will protect the poor, defenseless credit industry, which only made a paltry $30 billion profit last year, by making it harder for individuals to declare bankruptcy. This despite the fact that research proves that the vast majority of new bankruptcies in America are due to medical debt (and 75% of those people had insurance, by the way), job loss and divorce. Yes, there are irresponsible people out there spending more than they can hope to pay back, but they're statistically insignificant.

As with all acts of Congress, there's a loophole. If you're fabulously wealthy, you can put your money in a special bank account in any of five states -- and you don't have to be a resident of the state -- or you can deposit it overseas, so that when you declare bankruptcy the courts can't touch that money.

Just to make sure that you stay in debt for the rest of your life and then some, Congress also today nixed two separate proposals to raise the minimum wage. Republicans say keeping the minimum wage at $5.15/hr is good for America. Fellow blogger Thunder Jones did a little math and discovered the average CEO makes over $4,000 an hour.

President Bush has nominated John Bolton to be the new American ambassador to the United Nations. This is a guy who thinks international law is irrelevant. This is a guy who opposes the bans on chemical and nuclear weapons testing, opposes the ban on landmines, opposes Kyoto, opposes the anti-ballistic missile treaty, and is also opposed to teddy bears and sunny days. So much for the warm-fuzzy feelings of optimism after Bush's European Fence-Mending Tour: nominating this guy to represent us at the U.N. is tantamount to mooning the rest of the world.

In international news, Michael Jackson is demanding Martha Stewart's immediate withdrawal from Lebanon after she apparently shot an Italian journalist in Baghdad.

On This Day in Middle Earth

Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli and the Rangers take the Paths of the Dead at daybreak; they reach Erech at midnight.

Frodo leaves Henneth Annun.

On This Day in Middle Earth

Frodo taken by Faramir to Henneth Annun. Aragorn comes to Dunharrow at nightfall.______________________

** Sorry I haven't written anything at all in days. I think my brain has melted. I also just started a new temp job where it looks like they actually expect me to DO something, so I can't just sit and blog like I used to. Anyway, I'll be back soon, I promise. All is well.

On This Day in Middle Earth

Aragorn overtaken by the Dunedain in the early hours.

Theoden leaves the Hornburg for Harrowdale, and Aragorn departs later in the day.

On This Day in Middle Earth

Theoden reaches Isengard at noon. Parley with Saruman in Orthanc. A winged Nazgul passes over the camp at Dol Baran.

On This Day in Middle Earth

Theoden and Gandalf set out from Helm's Deep for Isengard.

Frodo reaches the slag mounds on the edge of the desolation of Morannon.

On This Day in Middle Earth

Theoden retreats to Helm's Deep. Battle of the Hornburg begins.

Ents complete destruction of Isengard.

The Meaning and Purpose of Art

What a difference some snow makes! I think I went to see The Gates on the wrong day! They're gone now, but will live on in photographs and the memories of people who saw them. This picture was taken by a friend of mine, and it was so much better than anything I took, I felt obligated to post it. Click to enlarge, it's worth it!

Of course one of the oldest debates known to man is, what constitutes art? I think one aspect that everyone could agree on is that art should be, to some extent, inspirational. The Gates were certainly inspirational! If you need proof, click here. There was another popular "spin-off," if you will, The Somerville Gates, which even gotten written up in the New York Times. Unfortunately, as with Christo's Gates, it was a temporary installation and the photos have now, sadly, been removed from the internet. I bet you can still find some around somewhere, though.

South Beach, WeHo, Fire Island...Spokane?

An interesting article in Salon today talks about a movement to create a "gay business district," a la Chelsea or the Castro, in Spokane, Washington.

Conservatives, naturally, are none too thrilled with the proposal. Evangelical groups have distributed antigay literature to city officials claiming that "gays will bring disease and mental illnesses into Spokane."

Penny Lancaster, leader of Community Impact Spokane, has said the city risks becoming a "gay Mecca."

Penny darling, I think I speak for gays the world over when I say you don't have a thing to worry about.

On This Day in Middle Earth

Frodo comes to the end of the Marshes.

Gandalf comes to Edoras and heals Theoden.

The Rohirrim ride west against Saruman. Second Battle of the Fords of Isen. Erkenbrand defeated.

Entmoot ends and the Ents march on Isengard, reaching it at night.

Have You the [Right] Wing?

I've commented before that the arguments put forth against gay rights -- especially marriage -- don't seem to be either rational or intelligent. Here's a couple of letters to the editor that appeared in a recent issue of The New York Post:

Children need a mother and a father to come into existence. Two women or two men cannot have children. It's discrimination to intentionally deny a child both parents. All people deserve to be treated with love and respect, but not all choices merit the same distinction. Perhaps some tax-code revisions are what's needed.

Mary-Cecilia Kelly
Rye, New York

Is this woman under the impression that we are lobbying for the legalization of impregnating gay men? Being capable of reproduction in no way guarantees that you make a good parent. Gay people have to really want children in order to get them, and have to satisfy state and local requirements to prove to adoption agencies that they're qualified and stable. Heterosexuals only have to forget to put on a condom. In fact, most gay couples are raising adopted children that you heterosexuals didn't want.

I love this new argument that gay people discriminate against children by "intentionally denying" them "both parents." (This also implies that single-parent families should be illegal, and ignores the fact that Jesus was essentially raised in a foster home.) She makes it sound like we're snatching babies away from loving, stable heterosexual homes so we can raise confused, maladjusted kids. But, as was revealed by President Bush's recent gaffe, scientific studies conclude that children raised by same-sex couples don't turn out any different than their peers. Amazing how suddenly it's the gay people who are the bigots. This is akin to the argument that any criticism of idiots like Condoleezza Rice must be motivated by racism.

Also, honestly, what does having children have to do with the right to marry? I'd like to have a committed relationship someday, but I don't have any intention at all of having children. A lot of heterosexuals can say the same, but no one would dare try to deny a straight couple the legal right to marry simply because they didn't plan on breeding. And doesn't the equal protection clause mean, in fact, that all choices do merit the same distinction? She says everyone deserves to be treated with love and respect, but then she argues for different rights for different people. What does "respect" mean to her? I guess it means a tax cut.

Marriage is not a "right," it is a sacrament defined in the Bible. It is the job of the government to protect rights, it is the job of the church to protect sacraments. If a couple — gay or not — is unwilling to live up to the biblical definitions (all of them, not just the gender specificity), then they should unite in a civil contractual agreement produced by government, with whatever rights citizens vote to attach. Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's (rights), and render unto God what is God's (sacraments).

Carolina Garza
Sudbury, Mass.

She's almost on to something. I wonder if she'd be horrified to discover that her position basically aligns with Howard Dean, who said that he didn't think the federal government should recognize anything called a "marriage," and that everyone should have civil unions instead. He regards "marriage" as a purely religious term.

But if marriage is exclusively a sacrament defined by the Bible, then what of secularists or people of non-Judeo-Christian beliefs? You don't hear conservatives arguing that a heterosexual Buddhist couple shouldn't be allowed to marry, nor are they arguing that whatever their relationship might be, it shouldn't be called a marriage. She seems to be calling for federal civil union legislation that would define such a union as any relationship that doesn't meet sacramental standards. That might be hard to achieve, since defining marriage in that way would be a clear violation of the separation of church and state.

It's also more than slightly ironic that someone who insists that what constitutes a marriage be nationally defined by Christian standards would then commit the blasphemy of deliberately misrepresenting Scripture. In the passage she quotes, she fails to mention that Jewish leaders asked Jesus specifically, "Is it lawful to pay taxes?" (And Jesus said, yes, it sure is.) Her interpretation is categorically wrong.

I'd like to see her argue with the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr., that civil rights is not a religious issue.

On This Day in Middle Earth

Frodo, Sam and Gollum begin the passage of the Dead Marshes at dawn.

Entmoot continues.

Abstinence-Only Education

Abstinence is the only 100% effective way to avoid being shot in the beaver.

Finding True Love

I don't care what Fred Phelps, George W. Bush or Rick Santorum say about marriage being only between a man and a woman, I'm in love. I'm going to marry my iPod.